Sadly, It's Time

I have tried long and hard to not post this particular entry. It even makes me a little melancholy that I’m posting it. I believe, like my friend Chuck, that friendship is more important than opinion. I don’t want to offend family or friends. This is my position and no one else’s, but I just can’t sit still any longer. I’m talking of course, about being Agnostic. I realize that many of the digs and innuendos aimed at me were born of ignorance, not stupidity or cruelty. There IS a huge difference. Please don’t make me define it for you. Also, please know that I’m not trying to defend my position, only explain it. I feel strongly that religious beliefs are faith-based and therefore, indefensible. In other words, I’m not trying to convert anyone! Let’s start with a couple of very important definitions.

Webster defines Agnostic in the following way:

1ag·nos·tic
Pronunciation:
\ag-ˈnäs-tik, əg-\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Greek agnōstos unknown, unknowable, from a- + gnōstos known, from gignōskein to know — more at know
Date:
1869
1: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable ; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

Webster defines Atheist in this way:

athe·ist
Pronunciation:
\ˈā-thē-ist\
Function:
noun
Date:
1551
: one who believes that there is no deity

Do you see the difference? I apologize if this entry sounds a little edgy, but I’m tired of having people equate Agnostic with a lack of spirituality or “Godlessness”. Nothing could be further from the truth, at least for me. I fully realize that I have “advertised” the fact that I’m Agnostic and, therefore, open to scrutiny. I welcome that. I just think maybe there is a bit of misunderstanding where this term is concerned.

Let me share a little background with you. I was “raised” in the Methodist Church in a small town in Nebraska. By small, I mean around 500 people. That means the total members of the church I grew up in was probably no more than a hundred or so. My parents offered no real spiritual guidance. We went to church largely on Christmas and Easter. We also managed to make it to the annual Thanksgiving dinner and I went to Vacation Bible School nearly every summer. None of it stuck. Church hierarchy’s are not unlike the business world . Therefore, you can imagine the caliber of preacher we usually had. They were either has-beens or in trouble and were sent to keep the wheels on a church that had no place in the bigger picture. I got nothing from any pastor we ever had there.

When I was twelve, I was baptized. I had no idea why or what it was supposed to mean. It was a ritual my parents said I needed. I got sprinkled and life went on. All I got from our church was that unless you followed some rules you were going to hell and I knew early on I couldn’t live up to the expectations.

I developed a spirit of curiosity about religion at an early age. When I went to college, I truly adopted an attitude of Agnosticism. At that stage, by definition, I was more an Atheist. I am NOT that way now. Let me explain.

A series of circumstances led me to a Christian friend when I was about 30. Although he did try to “convert” me, he also told me not to take his word for anything and to look to the Bible for answers. I bought a Bible and began to study. It seemed so simple. Accept Christ as your personal savior and you were going to heaven. “Just say yes to the gift being offered.” I became a real pupil of the Bible. I read it every day. I read it cover to cover. I was “saved” and found a church home. I was baptized once more only this time with an idea why. I went to Sunday school every Sunday and Bible study every Wednesday. I never missed church and fired questions at my Pastor constantly. I was so thirsty for knowledge that I just couldn’t get enough. My Bible is tattered and torn and hi-lighted and marked and noted. I studied it tirelessly.

There was just one little problem. I didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. It still just didn’t add up. I continued to go through the motions by being a good church member, but to no avail. I just didn’t feel “saved”. (I know the Christians among you have an answer for that and I know what it is). Another set of life circumstances and a promise led me to more study, only this time it was from a more historical perspective. I attacked my local library and read volume after volume of the historical life of Christ. I read books in support of, as well as, books in opposition to, everything Christian. I obviously haven’t read everything on the shelf, but I’ve read enough to form my own opinion. I wish everyone would do the same. Someone close to me once told me they were Catholic just because they always had been. I think that’s the scariest reason to be ANYTHING! I just couldn’t swallow everything being fed me without getting several expert opinions. After all this study I came to the conclusion that there is little doubt that Jesus walked the earth and probably did the things we read about. I think he probably believed he was the Son of God. I just don’t believe it. There are just too many holes in it for me to swallow.

So, that’s where I am today. I’m seeking my own truth. I can tell you this. I am MORE in tune with my own spirituality than I have EVER been. There is something or someone spinning this whole mess we call a universe and I have no idea who or what it is. I do know this…..at least for me. Whatever or whoever it is, it is WAY bigger than any limits put on him/her/it by any religion on earth. So I’m open for debate if that’s what you want, but be careful. As a student of the Bible, I know a lot more than almost any Christian I’ve ever met. I’m not being arrogant. I realize there are millions of faithful that will forget more about religion than I’ll ever learn. That’s just been my experience. I simply think most people take their religion on faith and leave it at that. Again…..I have NO issue with that. I think everyone needs to believe in something. And I DO!!! Please stop assuming I don’t.

Let me see if I can get you thinking. If you’re Christian, by definition you believe the Bible is God’s word….period. To me that means you take it in its entirety. It either is God’s word or it isn’t. If you believe it is, awesome. If you only believe SOME of it is true, be careful. There are serious holes in your religion. The Bible has been interpreted over and over from its three original scripts; Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic. Think some things might be a little skewed? I guarantee it. For example:

1. Did you know that the original word that we interpret to mean “virgin” meant “young woman”? Kinda makes you wonder about the virgin birth.
2. Did you know the gospels weren’t even written by men of those names? They were “made up” because no one really knows for sure WHO wrote them.
3. There are dozens of other accounts (gospels) of the life of Christ that were omitted from the Bible. Wouldn’t you like to know what those said?
4. The nearest written account of the life of Christ came around 80 years after his crucifixion.
5. The Bible was actually constructed in about 340 A.D. under the direction of Constantine, who himself was not Christian, but who desperately needed a widely accepted religion for his kingdom. Christianity was the most popular.
6. Christ really only preached two major themes. First he taught that we should love one another. His assignment to all Christians was the Great Commission. Do you know what that is? It means that every day you, as a Christian, are to carry the message of His salvation to those that aren’t yet believers. Did you do that today?
7. The word Pagan, which many people believe to mean “devil-worship” is just a worship of nature. It was the early church that smeared it to mean something else.

I can go on and on, but you get the point. Just do a little research about your belief system and you may find things that scare you. Frankly, I think that’s precisely why most people DON’T look. There are around 10,000 different religions and sects worldwide. How arrogant is it to think any one of them has the “market cornered” so to speak. I implore you, if you are Christian and want to carry the message, you better be well-versed in your Bible. But even more, you need to be well-versed in the Quran, the Book of Mormon and any other book that claims to have the answers, because THAT’S what you’re going to have to defend your position against. And if you’re Christian, you’d better be good at persuasion, because if you fail to convert them, they’re going to Hell. How’s that for pressure?

Please know that I envy believers of all religions. To tell you the truth, I think it makes life easier. I just can’t make it happen for me. So please, believe what you want. I think it’s important. But I also ask that you please stop inferring I’m not spiritual or that I don’t believe in “God”. I am and I DO.

Let the comments begin.