There have been two episodes at my daughter's school lately that have me pondering the discipline we give our children. I'm not sure I have any answers, once again. By now most of you are used to the questions.
Six boys (6th grade) were caught with alcohol at school. One brought it, and by various means, five others sampled the goods. Two were "drunk". At this writing, all lost privileges at home, including loss of cell phone, being grounded, etc. The school, after some In-School-Suspension, decided against expulsion and sent them to alternative school for the remainder of this year.
Another young girl I know well, and she is, indeed, a hand-full. From what I hear, she is generally disruptive in class, not always respectful of her teachers, and just plain loud. I've sat with her at lunch a number of times and she does march to a different drummer. But there is something so endearing about this girl. This may sound strange. But I think she means no harm. In some ways I think she can't help it.
Every year, the 6th graders at this school get to make an overnight trip to Camp Carter. While there they get to canoe, hike, take part in team building exercises and a number of other things. It is the highlight of the year and something they look forward to from the time they start Kindergarten. It's a reward for hard work and celebration of the end of TAKS. None of the kids I mentioned above got to go.
But here's what I ponder. For the boys that were drinking, not allowing them to go sets a stern example of what can happen when you do something as silly as bringing alcohol to school. I think it got their attention. I hate it that they didn't get to go, but hopefully, the punishment meets the crime and they won't repeat the mistake. Like training a pet, if you catch them in the act and punish appropriately, you can change or mold behavior. Much the same with kids. Now I'm glad they weren't expelled. That would have accomplished nothing. I don't think bringing alcohol to school warrants scarring them for life.
Which brings me to poor Jane (not her real name). She didn't get to go either. It wasn't a punishment for a one-time happening. It was for a conglomeration of little things that, although annoying, really caused no great harm. I get that her behavior isn't acceptable, but I wonder if a once-in-a-lifetime trip that she'd been looking forward to for years, despite the fact that she's unruly, might not have taught her a more valuable life lesson. Now on top of being unruly, she feels left out and separated from the group. I can tell you that's not a good feeling and I wonder if being left out will simply make matters worse.
I'm no child pychologist. I don't know what the right course of action was in either of these circumstances. I just know we have to be careful what lessons we're teaching. I promise you, the life lessons are way more important than Math.
Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct Matt. Sometimes we try to impose "adult" punishment for "childish" behavior. The worst part is, the kids don't really understand either one of them! Hopefully it will all work out for all in the end. 36 years from now maybe they'll laugh about it at their 30th class reunion.
ReplyDeleteOkay Matt, reading this makes me think of Dustin. We have behavior problems which the school, doctors and family have been working on for years. Things are so much better now then they were years ago, even better than last year. He graduates from Grade school to middle school this year. All the 5th graders in Lincoln get to go to a Saltdogs game to help them celebrate. But it's not guaranteed, it will depend on their behavior. So far he is still on task and will be able to go. But there is always that possiblity. Will have to see what happens.
ReplyDelete