Train-ing Day

"A Train was born without any effort - it was like writing a letter to a friend."

 -Billy Strayhorn -

This morning when I arrived at work, I stepped out the back door of the station and breathed in the cool morning air.  It was a gorgeous morning here in Dallas.  As I stood there enjoying two of my favorite vices, I heard the familiar soft rumble of something I see every day I'm at work............the DART commuter train.  It passes less than 50 yards directly behind our fire station.  It passes as quickly as it comes.  Rumble........roar...........silence.

I often stand and watch as the train rushes past.  Sometimes I wave at whoever may be looking from within.  Sometimes I just stand there and do nothing.  Sometimes I ignore it completely.  But I always know it's there.  And every time I either see it or hear it, I thank the universe for the opportunity I have to serve in my chosen profession. 

Seeing the train go past, when I pay attention, always makes me wonder about the people inside.  Where are they going?  WHY are they going?  Is it for a job they love or a job they've grown to hate?  Are they going to see a loved one?  Have they left a loved one behind on the other side of town?  Are they happy, sad, joyful, bitter.....................?  Do they see me standing there?  What do THEY think?  "What the heck is that fireman doing just STANDING out there?"  On rare occasions I've seen people wave, but not often.  Even the postures I observe in an instant tell a tale of those inside.  I suspect some really have no where to go so they just hop on the train and ride...well....everywhere.  It's a true buffet of feelings and thoughts that rush through my gray matter as fast as the train blows by the station.

Funny thing about trains.  They only go one direction at a time.  They don't veer from their predestined path.  They don't take the next exit so you can look around and soak in the locals. They just go.  Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.  First one way, then another.  Always filled with people I'll likely never meet.  The question really is, at that instant, are there people on board with which I can connect?  Sure there are.  A smile and a wave just might change someones day.

As is common in my little brain-world, this is a ramble of the rambliest sort.  There's no hidden agenda or moral to some story.  I just find the little train fascinating.  So from now on I'm going to make an effort to smile and wave every time I get a chance.  Someone just might smile and wave back.  And THAT just might make BOTH our days.  Maybe you'll do the same?  Perhaps it won't be a train, but in that instant where you have a choice between ignoring someone on the street or giving them a smile, you'll choose the smile.  The chance will pass in an instant as will the chance for a smile.  Go on, give it a try. 

The train isn't gonna break down and let people off you know!

Techno-cological Exam

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

-Albert Einstein-

I love Albert Einstein.  I think the guy was way ahead of his time and I feverishly seek quotes of his that make me think.  As much as I adore the guy, I think he may have gotten this one wrong.  Or...perhaps we just have a difference of opinion.

One of my favorite movies is Contact, starring Jodi Foster and Matthew McConaughey.  In this movie, Jodi Foster works for SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) while McConaughey plays a religious advisor/slash author whose primary purpose in life is the the pursuit of "truth".  Specifically, he questions whether or not the advancement of science and technology has made us better off as a whole.  In other words, are we fundamentally happier due to advanced technology?  Well, let's have a look at that, shall we?

Let's answer the "happy" question first.  I'll be the first to admit I'm a techno-geek.  I'm not exceptionally skilled at operating advanced electronics, but they fascinate me to no end! (Apologies to DRH for the hyperbole)  I am madly in love with my iPhone, spend countless hours at my laptop computer and find websites like Facebook alluring. I just can't help myself.  I find joy in the way they have made my life simpler and faster.  But the question isn't about that is it?  The question is, "Do these things make me happier?"  The simple answer is no.  Happiness is an inside job.

A few years ago I went without a cell phone for over a month.  After nearly checking myself into the Betty Ford clinic, the obsession with checking my phone began to ease and I found it liberating to be unreachable.  I often get to Nebraska to visit my brother's orchard.  While there, I have no cell service, no internet, and no television.  It is amazing!  I reconnect with my spirit and nature in a way I just don't manage when I'm in the city and "connected".  It's forced relaxation.  And there are times when I need that in a big way. 

It's easy to look back as little as 50 or 60 years and see a slower and simpler time.  Kids went out to play instead of playing Nintendo or watching the Disney Channel.  Families ate dinner together without cell phone interruptions or the sound of an incoming text message.  The introduction of technology has indeed disconnected us in many ways.  Are we fundamentally better off?   The human frailty of me would have to say no.  Are we more happy?  Again, as a society I think I'd vote no, but the part of me that looks to a much bigger picture sees things differently.  Hear me out.

You'll begin to be reinforced in your thinking about why this is called "Ramblings", but I'll do my best to explain.  If you discount things like fire and the wheel, many of our most amazing advances in technology have come in the last 100 years or so.  I could list all the modern conveniences we enjoy, but I don't think it's necessary.  Think of a thing that makes your life faster or less complicated and you can bet no one even heard of such a thing 150 years ago.  You don't have to be a Math Major to know that if you divide 150 years by the number of years man has inhabited the earth and you get a number too small for most calculators to register. 

And the most amazing thing of all is, this development is in it's infancy.  I know I've written of this before, but imagine what life will be like 1000 years from now!  Quantum Physics has already begun to rewrite the books on many of the findings of Isaac Newton himself.  Science fiction concepts like time travel are no longer so hard to imagine.  We can all communicate at the drop of a hat.  We're socializing over huge networks linked by computer.  I can't even begin to tell you how my life has been enriched by the people I've "met" in cyber space.  It's like attending a major university for free.  So where am I going with all this?  Hold on to your hat.

I believe all this technology is a major part of our evolution as a species.  When you consider the vastness of our universe, calling earth a dust speck would be an enormous exaggeration regarding size.  I'm not a purist in the realm of "little green men", but I do believe it would be considerably short-sited of us to think we're the only ones out there.  We'll likely never know for sure without the advancement of technology.  Our children are more aware of our universe and how we fit in than any other generation.  Religion is slowly giving away to science blended with spiritual wonder.  After a millenium, humans are becoming aware of our potential.

I truly believe that given another million years, folding space and moving fluidly from one galaxy to another is likely.  We already communicate by thoughts.  Come on, I know you've told your spouse, "I know what you're thinking!"  Imagine a time when humans may not actually "talk" in the way we know now.  Air travel will be replaced by transponders.  Anything you can imagine can be realized in the quantum.  It only takes time and vision.  We're well on the way.  The more advanced we become, the faster the advances WILL come.   It's just, well, physics.

I can only begin to imagine some of the religious feedback I may get.  I understand.  We do need to survive 12/21/12, Armageddon, etc.  But seriously.  Those events born of fear and ancient lore are giving way to a new consciousness.....a new age.  The longer we cling to the past, the slower our evolution will be, but make no mistake, it's gonna happen.  It already is.

Hop on board the Techno Train.  It's leaving the station and it's the ride of a lifetime!!

To The Very End

"To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him." 
  -Horace -

Last night I was called out to a house near my fire station on a "Assist Invalid" call.  What a call such as this typically means is that someone has fallen and can't get up.  We're called upon in non-emergency status to  assist in whatever way necessary.  You just never know what you're gonna get.  Last night was priceless.

Lying on his bed, was a man I had met once before.  He is a retired WWII veteran (an MP) and is heavily decorated.  He is also a former college Hall of Fame football player.   It wasn't that he couldn't get up.  He couldn't SCOOT up in the bed and he and his poor wife had been trying for over an hour to get him in a comfortable position.  But as long as we were there, it was a good idea to help him to the bathroom FIRST and THEN help him to scoot onto his pillow, which we did.  During this entire escapade, his wife continued to apologize for calling us to help.  The man, while grateful for the aid, seemed frustrated life had come to this.  While her husband was in the bathroom his wife shared with me, "He just isn't ready for the nursing home, but he has gotten so much worse over the past two weeks and especially the last 24 hours.  I just don't know what to do."

In a flash, I was yanked back to Nebraska and my own parents who also are in the twilight of their long lives together.  The situation was so similar you could hardly tell them apart.  At 81, Dad is finding it more and more difficult to take care of himself.  When he CAN get up he needs the aid of a walker and Mom can only leave him alone for short periods.  He has signs of early demetia and is so altered by the medicine he takes for pain that it's difficult to trust his ability to make a decision.  Mom is exhausted, yet devoted.  Run-down, yet steadfast.  After nearly 60 years of marriage, they keep plugging along through doctor after doctor and test after test.  As a bystander, it is SO difficult to watch.  My brothers and I have all offered suggestions and advice, but to no avail.  Mom and Dad do it their way.  Which is as it should be.  But of course...........(are you ready?) this all has me thinking!

For the longest time I've wondered what it is that makes people hold on to life on earth so tightly.  Is it fear of what's beyond?  Is it fear of things left undone?  Is it regret?   Is it devotion to their loved one?  To be truthful, I just don't know.  What I believe is that Dad and probably the man from my call last night would both be better off in extended care facilities.  But what do I know?  It isn't my life.  My parents relentlessly pursue more and more medical advice in an attempt to make my dad "better".  Every time he tells me that he is doing "pretty well", I tell him that "pretty well" may be what he has to accept at his age.  Last night it finally occured to me what may be happening; at least in my humble opinion.

Although, my dad and my friend the WWII vet are physically old, the spirits that live within them aren't.  The soul that dwells within my dad has been, is now, and always will be his spirit.  It knows no age.  It knows no limits.  It simply just "is".  So although it is with some level of guilt I've thought my dad's life was pretty much over (see an earlier entry on the gate swinging out), the truth is, his life on earth IS.  But the spirit that dwells within him may have a different idea.  There may indeed be things left to do that I may never understand.  And the best part is, I no longer need to.

What I do know is that the universe has complete control of the whole situation with my dad, my WWII buddy and everyone else like them.  Every thing that happens, affects everything that ever WILL happen, and there must be a bigger reason for my dad's pain and his need for a place here on earth.  There must be a reason for my mom's devotion and undying service.  I don't know what it is and I don't need to know.  It just is.  All I have to do is love them and know it's all ok.

So next time you encounter an old couple and wonder why they're still here, still struggling, still holding tight to that last ounce of independence, cut 'em some slack.  Understand that it's all happening for a reason and whatever that reason is, it's good enough.

That's the spirit!

Desiderata

DESIDERATA

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sociology 101

so·ci·ol·o·gy   /ˌsoʊsiˈɒlədʒi, ˌsoʊʃi-/ Show Spelled[soh-see-ol-uh-jee, soh-shee-] Show IPA
–noun
the science or study of the origin, development, organization, and functioning of human society; the science of the fundamental laws of social relations, institutions, etc.

For every living creature that succeeds in getting a footing in life there are thousands or millions that perish. There is an enormous random scattering for every seed that comes to life. This does not remind us of intelligent human design. "If a man in order to shoot a hare, were to discharge thousands of guns on a great moor in all possible directions; if in order to get into a locked room, he were to buy ten thousand casual keys, and try them all; if, in order to have a house, he were to build a town, and leave all the other houses to wind and weather - assuredly no one would call such proceedings purposeful and still less would anyone conjecture behind these proceedings a higher wisdom, unrevealed reasons, and superior prudence."

-J.W.N. Sullivan -

When I was going to school at the University of Nebraska, I took Sociology 101 to satisfy a requirement for a Natural Science.  I didn't realize at the time I might actually find the class interesting.  I just needed a decent grade.  And to be truthful, I didn't find it all that entertaining then......but I do now.

A major part of the grade for this class was to write a paper based on my experiences in publicly "breaking a social norm."  You know, like walking into a crowded elevator and facing backwards, or actually talking to someone in the elevator.  It seemed easy enough, but the elevator thing just seemed too simplistic.  With the help of a friend I went way out on a limb in breaking said social norm and received an A+ on the paper. (No, I am NOT going to tell you what I did.  I still have to face my friends ya know!)  The professor left the following note on my paper:  "Anyone who would actually DO this deserves an A.  Good Job!"

Lately, for reasons that aren't yet clear to me, I have been painfully aware of the people around me and how they interact.  Since college, I've paid it little mind, but over the past couple of months its been like radar.  I can't explain it, but it's been a blast!  In a restaurant, at the mall, at the airport, on the highway, at work.......I'm tuned in to the conversations and interactions of everyone around me.  It's fascinating.

Just two weeks ago I had breakfast alone at a restaurant near where I work.  It was as if I had "cleared the mechanism".  Even as I walked in I picked up on two people sitting in a boothe talking about religion.  The man doing most of the talking was using his "spiritual, Jesus loves you" voice.  I guess when you talk about Jesus that voice goes with the topic like jacked up hair goes with televangelism....but I digress.  It made me smile because they were obviously deep in the recesses of their beliefs, solving all the worlds problems.  At the table next to me sat a slightly older woman.  I heard her tell the server that she was still waiting for someone.  I conjured up all kinds of scenarios thinking she was meeting a man, perhaps a boyfriend.  She looked a little sad so I thought maybe even she'd been stood up.   Then a woman walked in and sat across from her, obviously a friend, and the first woman's face lit up.  Again I smiled and they immediately dove into neighborly stuff about this and that.  Then there was the man who ordered his omelette "using only egg whites or egg substitute, no cheese, saute the veggie in olive oil and please put the salsa on the side."  Jeez.  It wasn't what he ordered so much as the authoritative way in which he ordered it.  And then I heard him launch into a long dissertation with his companion about the heart condition he had, etc. etc.   Makes sense now.

Today I had frozen yogurt with my daughter.  While we sat outside in the warm breeze, there sat a man and woman behind us in an obvious counseling session.  "Are you happy?  Does he show you affection?  When was the last time he told you he loved you?  Do you want my help?"  It was apparent to me that this man felt he had all the answers if the woman were only open to his solutions.  It was in the middle of this conversation that it struck me.  Every conversation I've been tuned into lately seems to be people trying to find their way......trying to find answers (or give answers), trying to make sense of it all.

Nearly two years ago, a counselor I had been seeing for some time gave me the following advice, "Maybe it's time you just accepted who you are.  Stop trying to fit a  square peg in a round hole and just be you."  Wish she'd have told me that on the first session.  Sure woulda been cheaper.  But I'll do her one better.  Maybe it's time I just accepted the way THINGS are.  I don't have to figure ME out, or YOU out or the WORLD out.  I can just live in joy with the way it is. 

Here's what I'm beginning to see more clearly.  The most important thing of all is love....followed closely by joy.  When you see everything through the eyes of understanding, and realize that everyone is doing their best, it just seems clearer.  As I stop searching for answers and just remain quiet, I realize I already HAVE all the answers I need.  They'll be made clear to me as I sit still and listen.  I'm learning not to struggle.  I'm learning not to "try" so hard, because trying suggests struggling.  I no longer try to do my best, I just do my best and accept (most of the time, I'm still learning) that my best is good enough for now.  I'm learning that I'm not running the show and the harder I try to run it, the more complicated it gets.  I'm ever so slowly, yet ever so surely, learning to let go.  Of WHAT you might ask?  Of everything.  It's all gonna be ok.  It already IS ok.

I'd rather be happy than right.

Nor Iron Bars a Cage

Those of you still around that followed my old blog site may have seen an excerpt from my upcoming book called Every Stones A Story.  (Don't eeeeven think about it.  It's already copyrighted).  This isn't about the book, but a story of a different sort.  It's a story about a boy........and his love for stones.  It goes something like this..........

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a boy who loved stones.  He loved rocks and pebbles and stones and boulders of every different kind, color and variety.  As the land he lived on was rocky indeed, he was able to spend most of his free time perusing the countryside for stony treasure.  He searched in the sunshine.  He searched in the rain.  He searched in the cold.  Nothing could deter his search for the perfect stone.

On nearly every outing, the boy was able to find some agate or pebble that caught his fancy.  He would place it gently in his soft hands, rolling it over, feeling every bump and smoothed edge.  He fascinated at the colors and the minerals.  He found something he loved about each and every pebble.  Sometimes the boy would put the rock in his pocket or knapsack and carry it around for days, taking it out over and over again to wonder at the unique quality of each new prize.  And then, without exception the boy would discard the stone in search of another.  Often he would throw the treasure in a lake and watch as the ripples made their way across the smooth surface.  At other times he would toss his rock in a stream and know that regardless of the size, the stone changed the flow of the water forever. 

When he grew to be a man, the boy was on one of his fabled hunts when he came across the treasure of all treasures.  Before him, under the shade of a giant Oak at the edge of a wide meadow, was a pile of rocks of every imaginable shape and size.  He knew there must be thousands, if not millions of his stony passions..........all in one place.  He put down his knapsack and began to search.

Carefully, oh so very carefully, the boy who was now man, began to pick up each rock one by one.  As in his youth, he would look for the best in each and every stone, bask in its glory and then toss it beside him and move on to the next stone.  For hours and days and weeks and months the man enjoyed the stony treasure, tossing each aside as he was finished with it's examination.  Oh, how he loved the fine, unique qualities of each pebble, each rock.  "Magnificent!  Beautiful! Colorful! Rough! Smooth! Solid! Pithy!"  They all were different and yet wonderful in their own way.

What started as minutes, passed into years and one day, under the light of a new moon, the man stooped to pick up the very last stone.  Like all the others, this stone was splendid in its own way.  He took his time to relish in his last treasure and tossed it aside.  Saddened by the fact that he had exhausted his find after such a long time, the man turned to leave.  Surely, there must be other more splendid treasures to explore.  It was then the man made his most important discovery of all.  Surrounding him in a perfect circle, was a wall built by years of tossing stones.  There was no where for him to go.  He was entombed by his own treasure.  Trapped inside stony walls, a reflection of his years of repudiation.

He sat in the middle of his stony castle and laughed to himself at the predicament his obsession had presented.  What was he to do now?  He could have cried for help of course, but no one had seen the man for years and considering he was some miles from civilization, crying for help did seem a bit silly.  After all, it was HIS mess, right? 

As the sun began to rise, the man looked carefully at the walls of his creation.  Although each rock was beautiful in its own right, together the individual jewels made the most amazing monument.  Before him, in glorious wonder, was his life in stone.  His life work.  His experience.  His wake.  There was only one thing to do.  The man stood slowly, brushed the grass from his jeans and began looking at each rock again, placing them back in the middle, ever so slowly creating a path by which to leave.

No one really knows whether the man ever escaped his tomb.  But you can be sure of the lessons he learned.  It most certainly is wonderful to find glory and beauty in every treasure you find, but discarding many in search of the one slightly more perfect, can only leave you trapped and alone.  There is no "perfect" stone or treasure.  There is only the treasure perfect for you. 

Dear Driver

Dear Driver,

Thank you so much for pulling so close behind me today that you couldn't slide a piece of paper between our cars.  I just bought a new Jeep and I always wondered why they put the spare tire on the back.  NOW I KNOW!!  It's a  bumper!!  I would have spent my entire life trying to figure that out were it not for you.  By the way, you should get that chip in your tooth fixed.

I'd also like to thank you for driving to the end of the acceleration lane and then coming to a complete stop.  I realize all the books say you should accelerate and then gently blend into traffic, but who writes that crap anyway?  And even though I almost rammed you hard enough to blend you into oncoming traffic, I was, in fact, able to stop whereby I realized I am always just in too big a hurry.  Your courteous halt probably prevented me from being part of a 20-car pile-up.  Thank you, thank you.

But before I forget, thanks also for slowing down a half mile before the DEceleration ramp.  And wow, are you ever good with that blinker!!  I mean, I could stare at it for hours!  Those ramps are meant to give you time to slow down, but slowing down WAY before in rush hour is much more prudent and almost guarantees you won't miss your exit.  Great strategy.  I'll try to remember that.  I have much to learn from you.

While I'm at it, I am particularly grateful to you for driving ten miles under the posted limit in the passing lane....the FAST lane if you will.  I mean, really, who assigns those anyway?   And I gotta tell you, that little move you make where you stay right next to the car beside you so it's impossible to pass.....now THAT is pure genius.  I just can't count the times I might actually have made an appointment on time if I could have passed you.  But you....you little ESP person you.  You knew being on time might mean I actually didn't keep someone waiting and patience is a virtue.  The person I kept waiting probably needed that lesson and I need to learn to leave earlier.  Thank you SO much!

I truly am praying that you start some kind of online school or even better yet, an 8 hour class on how to drive while you're eating, trimming your toenails, talking on the cell phone AND putting on your eyeliner.  Professional drivers could gain so much from your honed skills.  The very BEST part of your multitasking is how you've learned to ignore the traffice signal and then notice it just in time to get through and leave me to wait for the next one.  There is just nothing like the feeling of being first in line.  I mean then I can REALLY gun it and make up some time.  But then there you are at the next light!  How do you DO that?  It truly must be a gift from heaven above. 

I know you must be tiring of all this praise, but I just have to tell you a couple more quick things.  I don't want to bore you with endless compliments.  I never could understand how you get those parking places so close to the door at Walmart.  Then it dawned on me.  You have the wherewithal and courage to actually hold up an endless row of moving cars to wait for the perfect spot where that little old lady is loading her groceries.  Man, I'd love to have just an OUNCE of that courage.  I could move mountains!  And using your grandmothers handicapped placard on your mirror?  That, my friend, is a little piece of heaven.  Alot of people are just crazy enough to be grateful they can walk a few extra yards.  But not you!  That spot is YOURS and that little old man that really CAN'T walk could use the fresh air and exercise anyway!  I love your guts, man.  I really do!

Happy driving and thanks for all the lessons.  Until we meet again......

Fondly,

Matt