Sociology 101

so·ci·ol·o·gy   /ˌsoʊsiˈɒlədʒi, ˌsoʊʃi-/ Show Spelled[soh-see-ol-uh-jee, soh-shee-] Show IPA
–noun
the science or study of the origin, development, organization, and functioning of human society; the science of the fundamental laws of social relations, institutions, etc.

For every living creature that succeeds in getting a footing in life there are thousands or millions that perish. There is an enormous random scattering for every seed that comes to life. This does not remind us of intelligent human design. "If a man in order to shoot a hare, were to discharge thousands of guns on a great moor in all possible directions; if in order to get into a locked room, he were to buy ten thousand casual keys, and try them all; if, in order to have a house, he were to build a town, and leave all the other houses to wind and weather - assuredly no one would call such proceedings purposeful and still less would anyone conjecture behind these proceedings a higher wisdom, unrevealed reasons, and superior prudence."

-J.W.N. Sullivan -

When I was going to school at the University of Nebraska, I took Sociology 101 to satisfy a requirement for a Natural Science.  I didn't realize at the time I might actually find the class interesting.  I just needed a decent grade.  And to be truthful, I didn't find it all that entertaining then......but I do now.

A major part of the grade for this class was to write a paper based on my experiences in publicly "breaking a social norm."  You know, like walking into a crowded elevator and facing backwards, or actually talking to someone in the elevator.  It seemed easy enough, but the elevator thing just seemed too simplistic.  With the help of a friend I went way out on a limb in breaking said social norm and received an A+ on the paper. (No, I am NOT going to tell you what I did.  I still have to face my friends ya know!)  The professor left the following note on my paper:  "Anyone who would actually DO this deserves an A.  Good Job!"

Lately, for reasons that aren't yet clear to me, I have been painfully aware of the people around me and how they interact.  Since college, I've paid it little mind, but over the past couple of months its been like radar.  I can't explain it, but it's been a blast!  In a restaurant, at the mall, at the airport, on the highway, at work.......I'm tuned in to the conversations and interactions of everyone around me.  It's fascinating.

Just two weeks ago I had breakfast alone at a restaurant near where I work.  It was as if I had "cleared the mechanism".  Even as I walked in I picked up on two people sitting in a boothe talking about religion.  The man doing most of the talking was using his "spiritual, Jesus loves you" voice.  I guess when you talk about Jesus that voice goes with the topic like jacked up hair goes with televangelism....but I digress.  It made me smile because they were obviously deep in the recesses of their beliefs, solving all the worlds problems.  At the table next to me sat a slightly older woman.  I heard her tell the server that she was still waiting for someone.  I conjured up all kinds of scenarios thinking she was meeting a man, perhaps a boyfriend.  She looked a little sad so I thought maybe even she'd been stood up.   Then a woman walked in and sat across from her, obviously a friend, and the first woman's face lit up.  Again I smiled and they immediately dove into neighborly stuff about this and that.  Then there was the man who ordered his omelette "using only egg whites or egg substitute, no cheese, saute the veggie in olive oil and please put the salsa on the side."  Jeez.  It wasn't what he ordered so much as the authoritative way in which he ordered it.  And then I heard him launch into a long dissertation with his companion about the heart condition he had, etc. etc.   Makes sense now.

Today I had frozen yogurt with my daughter.  While we sat outside in the warm breeze, there sat a man and woman behind us in an obvious counseling session.  "Are you happy?  Does he show you affection?  When was the last time he told you he loved you?  Do you want my help?"  It was apparent to me that this man felt he had all the answers if the woman were only open to his solutions.  It was in the middle of this conversation that it struck me.  Every conversation I've been tuned into lately seems to be people trying to find their way......trying to find answers (or give answers), trying to make sense of it all.

Nearly two years ago, a counselor I had been seeing for some time gave me the following advice, "Maybe it's time you just accepted who you are.  Stop trying to fit a  square peg in a round hole and just be you."  Wish she'd have told me that on the first session.  Sure woulda been cheaper.  But I'll do her one better.  Maybe it's time I just accepted the way THINGS are.  I don't have to figure ME out, or YOU out or the WORLD out.  I can just live in joy with the way it is. 

Here's what I'm beginning to see more clearly.  The most important thing of all is love....followed closely by joy.  When you see everything through the eyes of understanding, and realize that everyone is doing their best, it just seems clearer.  As I stop searching for answers and just remain quiet, I realize I already HAVE all the answers I need.  They'll be made clear to me as I sit still and listen.  I'm learning not to struggle.  I'm learning not to "try" so hard, because trying suggests struggling.  I no longer try to do my best, I just do my best and accept (most of the time, I'm still learning) that my best is good enough for now.  I'm learning that I'm not running the show and the harder I try to run it, the more complicated it gets.  I'm ever so slowly, yet ever so surely, learning to let go.  Of WHAT you might ask?  Of everything.  It's all gonna be ok.  It already IS ok.

I'd rather be happy than right.