To The Very End

"To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him." 
  -Horace -

Last night I was called out to a house near my fire station on a "Assist Invalid" call.  What a call such as this typically means is that someone has fallen and can't get up.  We're called upon in non-emergency status to  assist in whatever way necessary.  You just never know what you're gonna get.  Last night was priceless.

Lying on his bed, was a man I had met once before.  He is a retired WWII veteran (an MP) and is heavily decorated.  He is also a former college Hall of Fame football player.   It wasn't that he couldn't get up.  He couldn't SCOOT up in the bed and he and his poor wife had been trying for over an hour to get him in a comfortable position.  But as long as we were there, it was a good idea to help him to the bathroom FIRST and THEN help him to scoot onto his pillow, which we did.  During this entire escapade, his wife continued to apologize for calling us to help.  The man, while grateful for the aid, seemed frustrated life had come to this.  While her husband was in the bathroom his wife shared with me, "He just isn't ready for the nursing home, but he has gotten so much worse over the past two weeks and especially the last 24 hours.  I just don't know what to do."

In a flash, I was yanked back to Nebraska and my own parents who also are in the twilight of their long lives together.  The situation was so similar you could hardly tell them apart.  At 81, Dad is finding it more and more difficult to take care of himself.  When he CAN get up he needs the aid of a walker and Mom can only leave him alone for short periods.  He has signs of early demetia and is so altered by the medicine he takes for pain that it's difficult to trust his ability to make a decision.  Mom is exhausted, yet devoted.  Run-down, yet steadfast.  After nearly 60 years of marriage, they keep plugging along through doctor after doctor and test after test.  As a bystander, it is SO difficult to watch.  My brothers and I have all offered suggestions and advice, but to no avail.  Mom and Dad do it their way.  Which is as it should be.  But of course...........(are you ready?) this all has me thinking!

For the longest time I've wondered what it is that makes people hold on to life on earth so tightly.  Is it fear of what's beyond?  Is it fear of things left undone?  Is it regret?   Is it devotion to their loved one?  To be truthful, I just don't know.  What I believe is that Dad and probably the man from my call last night would both be better off in extended care facilities.  But what do I know?  It isn't my life.  My parents relentlessly pursue more and more medical advice in an attempt to make my dad "better".  Every time he tells me that he is doing "pretty well", I tell him that "pretty well" may be what he has to accept at his age.  Last night it finally occured to me what may be happening; at least in my humble opinion.

Although, my dad and my friend the WWII vet are physically old, the spirits that live within them aren't.  The soul that dwells within my dad has been, is now, and always will be his spirit.  It knows no age.  It knows no limits.  It simply just "is".  So although it is with some level of guilt I've thought my dad's life was pretty much over (see an earlier entry on the gate swinging out), the truth is, his life on earth IS.  But the spirit that dwells within him may have a different idea.  There may indeed be things left to do that I may never understand.  And the best part is, I no longer need to.

What I do know is that the universe has complete control of the whole situation with my dad, my WWII buddy and everyone else like them.  Every thing that happens, affects everything that ever WILL happen, and there must be a bigger reason for my dad's pain and his need for a place here on earth.  There must be a reason for my mom's devotion and undying service.  I don't know what it is and I don't need to know.  It just is.  All I have to do is love them and know it's all ok.

So next time you encounter an old couple and wonder why they're still here, still struggling, still holding tight to that last ounce of independence, cut 'em some slack.  Understand that it's all happening for a reason and whatever that reason is, it's good enough.

That's the spirit!