Dear Driver

Dear Driver,

Thank you so much for pulling so close behind me today that you couldn't slide a piece of paper between our cars.  I just bought a new Jeep and I always wondered why they put the spare tire on the back.  NOW I KNOW!!  It's a  bumper!!  I would have spent my entire life trying to figure that out were it not for you.  By the way, you should get that chip in your tooth fixed.

I'd also like to thank you for driving to the end of the acceleration lane and then coming to a complete stop.  I realize all the books say you should accelerate and then gently blend into traffic, but who writes that crap anyway?  And even though I almost rammed you hard enough to blend you into oncoming traffic, I was, in fact, able to stop whereby I realized I am always just in too big a hurry.  Your courteous halt probably prevented me from being part of a 20-car pile-up.  Thank you, thank you.

But before I forget, thanks also for slowing down a half mile before the DEceleration ramp.  And wow, are you ever good with that blinker!!  I mean, I could stare at it for hours!  Those ramps are meant to give you time to slow down, but slowing down WAY before in rush hour is much more prudent and almost guarantees you won't miss your exit.  Great strategy.  I'll try to remember that.  I have much to learn from you.

While I'm at it, I am particularly grateful to you for driving ten miles under the posted limit in the passing lane....the FAST lane if you will.  I mean, really, who assigns those anyway?   And I gotta tell you, that little move you make where you stay right next to the car beside you so it's impossible to pass.....now THAT is pure genius.  I just can't count the times I might actually have made an appointment on time if I could have passed you.  But you....you little ESP person you.  You knew being on time might mean I actually didn't keep someone waiting and patience is a virtue.  The person I kept waiting probably needed that lesson and I need to learn to leave earlier.  Thank you SO much!

I truly am praying that you start some kind of online school or even better yet, an 8 hour class on how to drive while you're eating, trimming your toenails, talking on the cell phone AND putting on your eyeliner.  Professional drivers could gain so much from your honed skills.  The very BEST part of your multitasking is how you've learned to ignore the traffice signal and then notice it just in time to get through and leave me to wait for the next one.  There is just nothing like the feeling of being first in line.  I mean then I can REALLY gun it and make up some time.  But then there you are at the next light!  How do you DO that?  It truly must be a gift from heaven above. 

I know you must be tiring of all this praise, but I just have to tell you a couple more quick things.  I don't want to bore you with endless compliments.  I never could understand how you get those parking places so close to the door at Walmart.  Then it dawned on me.  You have the wherewithal and courage to actually hold up an endless row of moving cars to wait for the perfect spot where that little old lady is loading her groceries.  Man, I'd love to have just an OUNCE of that courage.  I could move mountains!  And using your grandmothers handicapped placard on your mirror?  That, my friend, is a little piece of heaven.  Alot of people are just crazy enough to be grateful they can walk a few extra yards.  But not you!  That spot is YOURS and that little old man that really CAN'T walk could use the fresh air and exercise anyway!  I love your guts, man.  I really do!

Happy driving and thanks for all the lessons.  Until we meet again......

Fondly,

Matt