Happy Birthday Ramblings!!!!!

Oprah Winfrey said, "The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."

Guatemalan Proverb - "Everyone is the age of their heart"

Abraham Lincoln said,  "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."


Hello everyone, and welcome to the 1st Anniversary celebration for my little baby, Ramblings of a 138.  Yes, it's a virtual party, but I'm still glad you could make it.  After all, it is the 21st century!!  It has been an incredible year for me.  I hope this little blog has been a slice of your heaven as well.

Some history before we move on.  Many of you are wondering.  Ramblings began as a personal journey for me.  It was a journal I kept, completely uncensored and unabridged, for my eyes only.  I would spend hours typing away, spewing forth whatever came to mind.  It was a way for me to find order when my thoughts were, well.......out of order.  It was therapeutic and just plain fun.  At some point I decided that perhaps my little blips might actually be entertaining or thought-provoking.  From that little thought was born my first blog, which, thanks to whoever hosted the darn thing, is now vanished in cyber space.  About 45 entries of my earliest ramblings are gone.  But that's ok.  It's probably just as well.  From THAT little fiasco was born what you're reading today:  at present, 65 little quips of what crosses my mind on a daily basis.  Frightening as that may be, it's the real me laid bare.  It's not raw like the original journal because, after all, it's a public sight, but when you read this you peek into my soul.  Be kind.

Ok so for the 138 thing.  I LOVE that number now, although it was random at first.  For starters it truly serves it's purpose in that it always provokes a question.  "What's the 138 about?"  At first it was about nothing in particular, but a year of searching has brought it so much more meaning.  I was at the fire station one night surfing the "net".  I don't remember how I got started exactly, but I took a very short IQ test that most 2nd Graders could pass.  At the end, VOILA!, it said my IQ was 138.  Those of you that know me realize that isn't true. 38 would be closer, but I thought it was funny nonetheless. And of course, as blog titles go, it was WAY easier than Ramblings of a Middle-Aged Slightly Overweight Bald Guy.  You get the picture.  I have now come to recognize 138 as 13 with a vertical "infinity" sign.  I see it in various places and a person who actually swears this number has followed him everywhere wants to turn one of my writings into a children's book.  The longer I'm here, the more I see that the 138 isn't so random.

We've covered alot in the last year, you and I.  We've discussed politics, religion, love, quantum physics, old people, young people, poetry and so much more.  We've rung in a new decade together and even enjoyed some music.  And as I've mentioned, there may even be a book in the making.  It truly has been the most amazing year in terms of my search.  Each and every one of you that read, followed or left comments have helped me grow in ways I couldn't have imagined only a year ago.  Every day, I open my site with child-like anticipation of who may have signed-on or commented.  Writing is my true passion.

So, that being said, here's what you can expect for the next year.  First, you won't see me begging for followers.  I'd love to have more, but I realized it goes against the true essence of my writing.  I'm so thankful for the ones that I have and I've asked the universe for more.  It's all taken care of.  I'll have as many as I'm supposed to have.....no more, no less.  Second, you may have already noticed the new template.  New year, new look.  Also, as I begin to learn more about the capabilities of my blog site, I plan to add links to my favorite blogs or other websites of interest.  So as you stop by to read while drinking your morning coffee, you can click away to other places I find enjoyful. ;-)  I'm also looking into the possibility of adding some advertising.  I haven't made peace with that thought yet, but don't be surprised if you find little links to products or services I support.  An artist's gotta eat!

Lastly, and this may be the most important change of all, I'm feeling a shift in the theme of my writing.  A new president or major catastrophy of some kind may steer me temporarily from my path, but in general, I'm easing away from topics as controversial as politics and religion.  I love discussing them, but to tell you the truth, there are just other things way more important.   Everyone has their own opinion about everything and I won't now, nor have I ever, tried to convert people to one way of thinking or another.  It just takes too much energy.    Instead, I have plans to start a series on four topics close to my heart (or my back); Peace, Love, Joy, and Harmony.   I have NO idea how they'll come about or what I'll say, but I know those four pieces need written.  Will there be other topics interlaced amongst the series.  Perhaps.  Isn't this a fun ride?  Stay tuned.

So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me share the deepest recesses of "Matt".  I promise everything I write comes from a place of interest, love and joy.  At least that's what I'm shooting for.  I "pray" that you'll continue to enjoy, that you'll comment when you feel so moved and also that you'll become a follower (that wasn't begging!)  I am so honored to have the support of those so dear to me.  To infinity, and beyond!!!

Love and Light,
Matt

Train-ing Day

"A Train was born without any effort - it was like writing a letter to a friend."

 -Billy Strayhorn -

This morning when I arrived at work, I stepped out the back door of the station and breathed in the cool morning air.  It was a gorgeous morning here in Dallas.  As I stood there enjoying two of my favorite vices, I heard the familiar soft rumble of something I see every day I'm at work............the DART commuter train.  It passes less than 50 yards directly behind our fire station.  It passes as quickly as it comes.  Rumble........roar...........silence.

I often stand and watch as the train rushes past.  Sometimes I wave at whoever may be looking from within.  Sometimes I just stand there and do nothing.  Sometimes I ignore it completely.  But I always know it's there.  And every time I either see it or hear it, I thank the universe for the opportunity I have to serve in my chosen profession. 

Seeing the train go past, when I pay attention, always makes me wonder about the people inside.  Where are they going?  WHY are they going?  Is it for a job they love or a job they've grown to hate?  Are they going to see a loved one?  Have they left a loved one behind on the other side of town?  Are they happy, sad, joyful, bitter.....................?  Do they see me standing there?  What do THEY think?  "What the heck is that fireman doing just STANDING out there?"  On rare occasions I've seen people wave, but not often.  Even the postures I observe in an instant tell a tale of those inside.  I suspect some really have no where to go so they just hop on the train and ride...well....everywhere.  It's a true buffet of feelings and thoughts that rush through my gray matter as fast as the train blows by the station.

Funny thing about trains.  They only go one direction at a time.  They don't veer from their predestined path.  They don't take the next exit so you can look around and soak in the locals. They just go.  Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.  First one way, then another.  Always filled with people I'll likely never meet.  The question really is, at that instant, are there people on board with which I can connect?  Sure there are.  A smile and a wave just might change someones day.

As is common in my little brain-world, this is a ramble of the rambliest sort.  There's no hidden agenda or moral to some story.  I just find the little train fascinating.  So from now on I'm going to make an effort to smile and wave every time I get a chance.  Someone just might smile and wave back.  And THAT just might make BOTH our days.  Maybe you'll do the same?  Perhaps it won't be a train, but in that instant where you have a choice between ignoring someone on the street or giving them a smile, you'll choose the smile.  The chance will pass in an instant as will the chance for a smile.  Go on, give it a try. 

The train isn't gonna break down and let people off you know!

Techno-cological Exam

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

-Albert Einstein-

I love Albert Einstein.  I think the guy was way ahead of his time and I feverishly seek quotes of his that make me think.  As much as I adore the guy, I think he may have gotten this one wrong.  Or...perhaps we just have a difference of opinion.

One of my favorite movies is Contact, starring Jodi Foster and Matthew McConaughey.  In this movie, Jodi Foster works for SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) while McConaughey plays a religious advisor/slash author whose primary purpose in life is the the pursuit of "truth".  Specifically, he questions whether or not the advancement of science and technology has made us better off as a whole.  In other words, are we fundamentally happier due to advanced technology?  Well, let's have a look at that, shall we?

Let's answer the "happy" question first.  I'll be the first to admit I'm a techno-geek.  I'm not exceptionally skilled at operating advanced electronics, but they fascinate me to no end! (Apologies to DRH for the hyperbole)  I am madly in love with my iPhone, spend countless hours at my laptop computer and find websites like Facebook alluring. I just can't help myself.  I find joy in the way they have made my life simpler and faster.  But the question isn't about that is it?  The question is, "Do these things make me happier?"  The simple answer is no.  Happiness is an inside job.

A few years ago I went without a cell phone for over a month.  After nearly checking myself into the Betty Ford clinic, the obsession with checking my phone began to ease and I found it liberating to be unreachable.  I often get to Nebraska to visit my brother's orchard.  While there, I have no cell service, no internet, and no television.  It is amazing!  I reconnect with my spirit and nature in a way I just don't manage when I'm in the city and "connected".  It's forced relaxation.  And there are times when I need that in a big way. 

It's easy to look back as little as 50 or 60 years and see a slower and simpler time.  Kids went out to play instead of playing Nintendo or watching the Disney Channel.  Families ate dinner together without cell phone interruptions or the sound of an incoming text message.  The introduction of technology has indeed disconnected us in many ways.  Are we fundamentally better off?   The human frailty of me would have to say no.  Are we more happy?  Again, as a society I think I'd vote no, but the part of me that looks to a much bigger picture sees things differently.  Hear me out.

You'll begin to be reinforced in your thinking about why this is called "Ramblings", but I'll do my best to explain.  If you discount things like fire and the wheel, many of our most amazing advances in technology have come in the last 100 years or so.  I could list all the modern conveniences we enjoy, but I don't think it's necessary.  Think of a thing that makes your life faster or less complicated and you can bet no one even heard of such a thing 150 years ago.  You don't have to be a Math Major to know that if you divide 150 years by the number of years man has inhabited the earth and you get a number too small for most calculators to register. 

And the most amazing thing of all is, this development is in it's infancy.  I know I've written of this before, but imagine what life will be like 1000 years from now!  Quantum Physics has already begun to rewrite the books on many of the findings of Isaac Newton himself.  Science fiction concepts like time travel are no longer so hard to imagine.  We can all communicate at the drop of a hat.  We're socializing over huge networks linked by computer.  I can't even begin to tell you how my life has been enriched by the people I've "met" in cyber space.  It's like attending a major university for free.  So where am I going with all this?  Hold on to your hat.

I believe all this technology is a major part of our evolution as a species.  When you consider the vastness of our universe, calling earth a dust speck would be an enormous exaggeration regarding size.  I'm not a purist in the realm of "little green men", but I do believe it would be considerably short-sited of us to think we're the only ones out there.  We'll likely never know for sure without the advancement of technology.  Our children are more aware of our universe and how we fit in than any other generation.  Religion is slowly giving away to science blended with spiritual wonder.  After a millenium, humans are becoming aware of our potential.

I truly believe that given another million years, folding space and moving fluidly from one galaxy to another is likely.  We already communicate by thoughts.  Come on, I know you've told your spouse, "I know what you're thinking!"  Imagine a time when humans may not actually "talk" in the way we know now.  Air travel will be replaced by transponders.  Anything you can imagine can be realized in the quantum.  It only takes time and vision.  We're well on the way.  The more advanced we become, the faster the advances WILL come.   It's just, well, physics.

I can only begin to imagine some of the religious feedback I may get.  I understand.  We do need to survive 12/21/12, Armageddon, etc.  But seriously.  Those events born of fear and ancient lore are giving way to a new consciousness.....a new age.  The longer we cling to the past, the slower our evolution will be, but make no mistake, it's gonna happen.  It already is.

Hop on board the Techno Train.  It's leaving the station and it's the ride of a lifetime!!

To The Very End

"To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him." 
  -Horace -

Last night I was called out to a house near my fire station on a "Assist Invalid" call.  What a call such as this typically means is that someone has fallen and can't get up.  We're called upon in non-emergency status to  assist in whatever way necessary.  You just never know what you're gonna get.  Last night was priceless.

Lying on his bed, was a man I had met once before.  He is a retired WWII veteran (an MP) and is heavily decorated.  He is also a former college Hall of Fame football player.   It wasn't that he couldn't get up.  He couldn't SCOOT up in the bed and he and his poor wife had been trying for over an hour to get him in a comfortable position.  But as long as we were there, it was a good idea to help him to the bathroom FIRST and THEN help him to scoot onto his pillow, which we did.  During this entire escapade, his wife continued to apologize for calling us to help.  The man, while grateful for the aid, seemed frustrated life had come to this.  While her husband was in the bathroom his wife shared with me, "He just isn't ready for the nursing home, but he has gotten so much worse over the past two weeks and especially the last 24 hours.  I just don't know what to do."

In a flash, I was yanked back to Nebraska and my own parents who also are in the twilight of their long lives together.  The situation was so similar you could hardly tell them apart.  At 81, Dad is finding it more and more difficult to take care of himself.  When he CAN get up he needs the aid of a walker and Mom can only leave him alone for short periods.  He has signs of early demetia and is so altered by the medicine he takes for pain that it's difficult to trust his ability to make a decision.  Mom is exhausted, yet devoted.  Run-down, yet steadfast.  After nearly 60 years of marriage, they keep plugging along through doctor after doctor and test after test.  As a bystander, it is SO difficult to watch.  My brothers and I have all offered suggestions and advice, but to no avail.  Mom and Dad do it their way.  Which is as it should be.  But of course...........(are you ready?) this all has me thinking!

For the longest time I've wondered what it is that makes people hold on to life on earth so tightly.  Is it fear of what's beyond?  Is it fear of things left undone?  Is it regret?   Is it devotion to their loved one?  To be truthful, I just don't know.  What I believe is that Dad and probably the man from my call last night would both be better off in extended care facilities.  But what do I know?  It isn't my life.  My parents relentlessly pursue more and more medical advice in an attempt to make my dad "better".  Every time he tells me that he is doing "pretty well", I tell him that "pretty well" may be what he has to accept at his age.  Last night it finally occured to me what may be happening; at least in my humble opinion.

Although, my dad and my friend the WWII vet are physically old, the spirits that live within them aren't.  The soul that dwells within my dad has been, is now, and always will be his spirit.  It knows no age.  It knows no limits.  It simply just "is".  So although it is with some level of guilt I've thought my dad's life was pretty much over (see an earlier entry on the gate swinging out), the truth is, his life on earth IS.  But the spirit that dwells within him may have a different idea.  There may indeed be things left to do that I may never understand.  And the best part is, I no longer need to.

What I do know is that the universe has complete control of the whole situation with my dad, my WWII buddy and everyone else like them.  Every thing that happens, affects everything that ever WILL happen, and there must be a bigger reason for my dad's pain and his need for a place here on earth.  There must be a reason for my mom's devotion and undying service.  I don't know what it is and I don't need to know.  It just is.  All I have to do is love them and know it's all ok.

So next time you encounter an old couple and wonder why they're still here, still struggling, still holding tight to that last ounce of independence, cut 'em some slack.  Understand that it's all happening for a reason and whatever that reason is, it's good enough.

That's the spirit!

Desiderata

DESIDERATA

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sociology 101

so·ci·ol·o·gy   /ˌsoʊsiˈɒlədʒi, ˌsoʊʃi-/ Show Spelled[soh-see-ol-uh-jee, soh-shee-] Show IPA
–noun
the science or study of the origin, development, organization, and functioning of human society; the science of the fundamental laws of social relations, institutions, etc.

For every living creature that succeeds in getting a footing in life there are thousands or millions that perish. There is an enormous random scattering for every seed that comes to life. This does not remind us of intelligent human design. "If a man in order to shoot a hare, were to discharge thousands of guns on a great moor in all possible directions; if in order to get into a locked room, he were to buy ten thousand casual keys, and try them all; if, in order to have a house, he were to build a town, and leave all the other houses to wind and weather - assuredly no one would call such proceedings purposeful and still less would anyone conjecture behind these proceedings a higher wisdom, unrevealed reasons, and superior prudence."

-J.W.N. Sullivan -

When I was going to school at the University of Nebraska, I took Sociology 101 to satisfy a requirement for a Natural Science.  I didn't realize at the time I might actually find the class interesting.  I just needed a decent grade.  And to be truthful, I didn't find it all that entertaining then......but I do now.

A major part of the grade for this class was to write a paper based on my experiences in publicly "breaking a social norm."  You know, like walking into a crowded elevator and facing backwards, or actually talking to someone in the elevator.  It seemed easy enough, but the elevator thing just seemed too simplistic.  With the help of a friend I went way out on a limb in breaking said social norm and received an A+ on the paper. (No, I am NOT going to tell you what I did.  I still have to face my friends ya know!)  The professor left the following note on my paper:  "Anyone who would actually DO this deserves an A.  Good Job!"

Lately, for reasons that aren't yet clear to me, I have been painfully aware of the people around me and how they interact.  Since college, I've paid it little mind, but over the past couple of months its been like radar.  I can't explain it, but it's been a blast!  In a restaurant, at the mall, at the airport, on the highway, at work.......I'm tuned in to the conversations and interactions of everyone around me.  It's fascinating.

Just two weeks ago I had breakfast alone at a restaurant near where I work.  It was as if I had "cleared the mechanism".  Even as I walked in I picked up on two people sitting in a boothe talking about religion.  The man doing most of the talking was using his "spiritual, Jesus loves you" voice.  I guess when you talk about Jesus that voice goes with the topic like jacked up hair goes with televangelism....but I digress.  It made me smile because they were obviously deep in the recesses of their beliefs, solving all the worlds problems.  At the table next to me sat a slightly older woman.  I heard her tell the server that she was still waiting for someone.  I conjured up all kinds of scenarios thinking she was meeting a man, perhaps a boyfriend.  She looked a little sad so I thought maybe even she'd been stood up.   Then a woman walked in and sat across from her, obviously a friend, and the first woman's face lit up.  Again I smiled and they immediately dove into neighborly stuff about this and that.  Then there was the man who ordered his omelette "using only egg whites or egg substitute, no cheese, saute the veggie in olive oil and please put the salsa on the side."  Jeez.  It wasn't what he ordered so much as the authoritative way in which he ordered it.  And then I heard him launch into a long dissertation with his companion about the heart condition he had, etc. etc.   Makes sense now.

Today I had frozen yogurt with my daughter.  While we sat outside in the warm breeze, there sat a man and woman behind us in an obvious counseling session.  "Are you happy?  Does he show you affection?  When was the last time he told you he loved you?  Do you want my help?"  It was apparent to me that this man felt he had all the answers if the woman were only open to his solutions.  It was in the middle of this conversation that it struck me.  Every conversation I've been tuned into lately seems to be people trying to find their way......trying to find answers (or give answers), trying to make sense of it all.

Nearly two years ago, a counselor I had been seeing for some time gave me the following advice, "Maybe it's time you just accepted who you are.  Stop trying to fit a  square peg in a round hole and just be you."  Wish she'd have told me that on the first session.  Sure woulda been cheaper.  But I'll do her one better.  Maybe it's time I just accepted the way THINGS are.  I don't have to figure ME out, or YOU out or the WORLD out.  I can just live in joy with the way it is. 

Here's what I'm beginning to see more clearly.  The most important thing of all is love....followed closely by joy.  When you see everything through the eyes of understanding, and realize that everyone is doing their best, it just seems clearer.  As I stop searching for answers and just remain quiet, I realize I already HAVE all the answers I need.  They'll be made clear to me as I sit still and listen.  I'm learning not to struggle.  I'm learning not to "try" so hard, because trying suggests struggling.  I no longer try to do my best, I just do my best and accept (most of the time, I'm still learning) that my best is good enough for now.  I'm learning that I'm not running the show and the harder I try to run it, the more complicated it gets.  I'm ever so slowly, yet ever so surely, learning to let go.  Of WHAT you might ask?  Of everything.  It's all gonna be ok.  It already IS ok.

I'd rather be happy than right.