Midlife "Crisis"

cri⋅sis  /ˈkraɪsɪs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [krahy-sis] Show IPA noun, plural -ses  /-siz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [-seez] Show IPA ,

3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

I would love to embark on a historical search to determine just who, exactly, coined the phrase, "Midlife Crisis."  My guess is the person was some sort of pessimistic pychologist who needed a label to go with some poor saps malady.  It's only a guess.  I have no way to substantiate the claim.

My point is this.  Why is it necessary that changes we make throughout life have to be labeled a "crisis".  On more than one occasion over the last ten years or so, someone has asked me if I was going through just such an event.  It took me quite some time to realize that midlife isn't a crisis.....it's an AWAKENING!!  Most all of us are at least vaguely familiar with the old adage, "youth is wasted on the young."  It wasn't until I reached the age of 40 or so that I came to learn exactly what that term meant.

At "midlife" (which surely is defined differently for everyone.  We don't KNOW how long we're going to live) we become painfully aware that life on earth, as we know it, is finite.  The door is swinging out, not in. That's not a BAD thing.  For me, it was a GOOD thing.  "Why?", you may ask.  I'll try to explain. 

At 40 years old, I purchased my first Harley Davidson motorcycle.  I'd wanted one since I was a kid, but was just too dang responsible to purchase such an elaborate toy.  Because of that purchase, I've been able to experience the trip of a lifetime with good friends.  At 48, I continue to work out almost daily.  It hurts when I run.  My knees ache and I just don't have the stamina I once had.  When I lift weights it sometimes feels like my shoulders are about to come out of the socket and I'm clearly not as strong as I was when I was 25.  But I do it.  Why?  Because I can.  I've come to appreciate the fact that life is for the living. 

I recently made another "irresponsible" purchase.  Without exception, everyone I know has said, "Wow, I wish I could do that."  My question to them is, "Then why don't you?"  If not now, when?  I've made an enormous number of mistakes in my life.  I've been married more than twice (we need not delve into a math lesson).  I don't have a big house.  My credit isn't in the 800's.  In fact, I don't think it's even in the 700's.  I've taken big trips, bought elaborate toys and spent on impulse.  Why? Because I can.  Many people I know are living in much nicer homes and are going to have much more comfortable retirements.  But that's just money.  I'm betting I'm going to have a lot more fun!

I'm not suggesting that the answer for you is leaving your wife/husband and buying a Ferrari.  I'm only suggesting that as we actually see there is, indeed, an end to THIS life, it becomes sweeter.  I allow myself small luxuries I wouldn't have in my 20's, because I don't feel the weight of society's rules about responsibilities on my shoulder.  I guess I just care less what people think. Have you ever noticed how elderly people clearly speak what's on their mind?

At every turn since approaching "midlife", I've learned new things, faced new challenges, and slayed new dragons.  It truly has been an awakening.  And as long as I live, I pray that every day will be some form of awakening for me.  Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Atheist, I think we can all agree that there is only one of these lives, in this body, on this earth.  As you live your life, awaken your spirit to new possibilities. 

Life is a garden.  Dig it.

Aliens Have Landed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZs8k4pJcyk

Disclaimer:  This post may not be fit for young children or for those who are sensitive by nature.  This message may carry a slight edge to which you are not accustomed.  I'll try not to swear, but I can't make any *%$^^^ promises.

Just two days  ago I posted an entry regarding fear.  Well, let me tell you something.  If anger is equal to fear, then I'm scared to death!!!  Watch the above youtube link.  It will only take three and half minutes of your time.  Watch it twice.  Watch it three times.  Watch it over and over and then tell me what you think.  If you aren't standing there with your mouth hanging open, finally sick to your core with bullshit propaganda and bipartisan rhetoric, then I'm sorry, but the Aliens have landed and dropped stupid-gas on our planet.  I would love to say "ignorant", but I truly think we're past all that.

Let me clear something up.  Our founding fathers were WAY ahead of their time and purposely envisioned a two-party system of checks and balances that ensured we stayed somewhere midstream.  I can't imagine in my wildest dreams that they EVER imagined this kind of Kindergarten bickering and backstabbing.  It's mindboggling.  It's immature.  It's just plain sad.  And you know what?  The people publishing this backstabbing bullshit are our government officials!!!  These people are RUNNING.......(did you hear me???)..... RUNNING our government. 

Do I think Obama is doing a good job?  How the hell would I know?  He's been in office a year!!!  You think things got this f'd up on HIS watch?  It's the culmination of decades of our government doing a piss-poor job of governing.  Through no ones fault but our own, our government is in our business in a very big way.  You honestly think that's Obama's fault?  Wake up and smell the coffee folks.  It's OUR fault.  We keep electing these bozos, and I'm not just talking about the President. 

So the video says Obama broke campaign promises.  If you truly are shocked by that, then please disregard the video and look at the picture instead.  Join that kid in the corner.  Everyone breaks them.  Our government is dynamic.  The rules change every day.  The Constitution is there for a guideline, but people that have never even read the damn thing are screaming about their rights!  You think Obama is a Socialist?  For the love of God, PLEASE!!!   HE.......IS......A......DEMOCRAT!!!! Every Democrat since Kennedy has been a Socialist.  If Obama is a Socialist, then George W. Bush was one of the great orators of the modern world. 

Now for the national debt.  We're spending 65 million dollars a DAY in Iraq and Afghanistan!!  The cost of the war is over a trillion dollars now.  And lets be fair.  This is no longer a war.  It's a government-run money machine for big oil and government contractors.  Can you spell Viet Nam boys and girls?  And you're going to stand there and tell me that it's Obama's fault we're so far in debt; that he needs to quit spending?  If he'd bring home the troops we could cure hunger and pay off the debt of every third-world country on the planet!!  We'd have allies upon allies upon allies.  NO ONE would wanna mess with us again.  If this is war, then turn the damn place into a sheet of glass and lets get it over with.  THINK about this people.

Having said all that, let me say this.  When Republicans were in office, Democrats used the same ridiculous tactics.  I don't identify with either party, because frankly, neither party is in any condition to change a thing.  The problem is too big to fix from where we are.  There are too many special interest groups running the show.  It's a money thing.  And sadly, there are very few among us (myself included) that have even one ounce the balls to change the way things are in Washington. Hell, I haven't even run for School Board!

My bottom line is this.  Quit passing this kind of crap around like idle gossip,  All this "he said, she said" stuff solves absolutely nothing.  It only breeds anger, which as we know now is fear.  And if people are afraid enough, one of two things will happen.  We'll either cower down or rise up.  Can you smell the revolt coming?

Again.....ONE people, ONE planet.  We're all in this together folks.

Faces of Fear

"Anger is merely the manifestation of fear" - Unknown -

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.  Those that do not recover are those that cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program; usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves."  -The Big Book -  (No, not THAT big book)

I can still clearly picture myself standing before the man who shared the first quote with me.  It was nearly fifteen years ago now, but I still remember it clearly.   I was seething with anger and approached him to tell him about the person or thing I was angry about.  To which he calmly asked, "What are you afraid of?"  With my mouth dangling open, my eyes bugged out and a look of undying perplexity on my face, I asked of him, "Didn't you hear me?  I am aaaaaaaaaangry at her/it."  To which he again politely asked, "What are you afraid of?"

Ok, so now I was reeeeeeeally angry......at her/it AND at him.  I double checked and indeed discovered I had been speaking English.  It wasn't the Queen's English, but close enough he should have understood.  As it turns out, he understood perfectly.  And soon, I would too.

As he so eloquently pointed out, all anger is born of fear.  It took a while for the concept to soak in to my thicker-than-normal skull, but I was, indeed afraid.  I was angry because I was afraid I didn't have control over the thing I was angry about.  I was afraid things might not go my way.  Things might not turn out the way I planned.  I feared LOTS of things, but it took this seemingly benign conversation to make me think about things in a different way.

For example, I'm slightly prone to becoming irritated at drivers who are traveling "too slow" in the passing lane.  I don't reach a road rage level, but I can feel the temperature rise as they casually make it impossible to get around them so that I can get where I need to go at the speed I think is best.  But of what is that anger born?  Fear.  Fear of not arriving on time and how that might look.  Fear of giving control to another driver.  Fear of...................well, you get the picture.  Since the day of that conversation with the man who didn't understand, every single anger-event I've ever experienced can be traced straight back to fear.  There are no exceptions; at least not for me.  How about you?  I'm gambling that if you could be completely honest with yourself, you'd find the same to be true for you.  It just takes a little practice.

Of course, there are other types of fear and they paralyze each of us in different ways every day.  Some fears hold us back from something we really want.  Other fears motivate us to DO something.  Are you afraid to ask that pretty girl (or handsome guy) for a date?  What are you afraid of?  Have you always wanted a Jeep?  (yeah, yeah I know).  What's stopping you?  Fear of the payment?  Fear of the criticism; the practicality?  Want to climb a mountain or learn to scuba dive or maybe even take Salsa lessons?  You can use time and money for an excuse, but if you look veeeeeery closely, the root is fear.

Here is a question I was taught to ask myself.  Take it for what it's worth.  "If I do ____________(fill in the blank) what is the WORST possible thing that can happen?"  Hmmmm, well let's see.  I've always wanted to ask my boss for a raise.  If I do that he might get angry and fire me.  Then I'll lose my house, live on the street, starve to death and eventually die.  That is the WORST that can happen.  If I can live with the worst, and expect the best, then it's time to make a move.  The truth is, maybe I'll just get that raise.   In fact, I EXPECT to get it.  We can play this little game all night long, but you can apply the principle to nearly anything.

Here's the thing.  Next time you're angry, be brutally honest with yourself and look to what you fear.  There is where your answer lies.  Do you have an unfulfilled dream?  I'd bet my next paycheck (raise or not) that if you're again brutally honest, you'll find that fear in some form is holding you back.  Don't let that happen.  I beg you.  Live your dream.  Dig deep and expect the best.  It's going to happen for you I promise.

Just face your fear.

Secret Code

"What would religion do without the devil?"  - Alan Cohen -

"You find as you look around the world that every single bit of progress in humane feeling, every improvement in the criminal law, every step toward the diminution of war, every step toward better treatment of the colored races, or every mitigation of slavery, every moral progress that there has been in the world, has ...been consistently opposed by the organized churches of the world..."  - Betrand Russell -

Of late, its seems my mind wanders often to questions of religion; to questions of spirituality and of our universe.  It's a daily game my mind plays and I never seem to be short of things to ponder.  But as with nearly all my writings, my thoughts on today's topic are truly a Rambling.......a "thinking out loud."  I have many more questions than I have answers.  Keep reading.  You'll see.

I guess I should start by stating clearly that I abhor religion.  Religion is the catalyst that has led to war upon war.  It has separated families, wrought fear upon the masses and taken billions of dollars in the name of God.  Every time I hear someone condemn Muslims for the deaths of thousands, I'm reminded of the Crusades where hundreds of thousands died at the hands of Christians.  But we've forgotten about that, haven't we? 

I'm not alone in this viewpoint.  If you're a Christian, take out your bible and read the Gospels.  Jesus himself hated religion in a very big way.  "Wherever two or more are gathered in His name, there I will be also".  But Jesus was talking about "the Church", NOT religion.  Not rules and judgement. Not fear and condemnation.  As someone recently pointed out, Jesus really taught three things.  Love God, love yourself and love your neighbor.  Simple.

Spirituality is another matter.  I'm not suggesting that people who adhere to organized religion cannot be spiritual.  Quite the opposite.  But I do believe that "religion" clouds the vision of those who might otherwise follow the teachings of Jesus.  Love, love, love.  I think that was a Beatles tune, but I digress.  Bible studies and tithing and building a bigger sanctuary become more important than carrying the message.....whatever that message happens to be (I'm not supporting Christianity).  I get the concept of having a bigger place to bring in more people and save more souls, but again, I refer you to your bible.  Jesus challenged all Christians with "The Great Commission" whereby all believers are to carry the message of salvation to others.....DAILY.  Lets face it, if each and every Christian did that, a bigger church wouldn't be necessary and you could actually feed the hungry with the millions spent on solid oak pews.  I think what I'm trying to say is that religion makes believers lazy.  (I know I'm overgeneralizing.  I'm only trying to make you think.)

Likewise, I wonder if it's possible that we leave to the church that which we should be doing ourselves; teaching our children.  Are they learning all their values and beliefs from Robert Tilton, or are they learning them from their parents?  Again, I think the larger institution lends itself to laziness.

That being said, (drum roll, please) I think religion has it's place.  GASP!!  I think everyone needs something to believe in and something or someone to look towards as greater than themselves.  I think those things are largely where people find hope.  And if you're unable to find your own spiritual path, then religion serves a purpose.  I myself, am yoked to no particular set of beliefs as defined by Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, etc.  So I ask myself every day, "from where do my set of standards come?"  Ok, so those of you that know me know I haven't always been the epitomy of intergrity, love, or even honesty.  Yet I DO have a conscience.  Where does that come from?  Am I born with it?  Did my parents teach it to me?  (Not likely).  Was it the church?  In other words, where do I get my "code"?  How do I know what standards to live by?

These are questions for which I hope to spend a lifetime searching for answers.  Take some time in the near future.  Take a look at history and see if maybe, just maybe, religion was really formed as a way to bring order to a disorganized world.  Is it at least possible that the concept of "hell" is really a scare tactic of religious lore?  Again, I don't have the answer to that.  I do know this.  If I'm wrong, eternity is a VERY long time to be shoveling coal in an infinite furnace.  But for me, I know I'm safe. 

As promised, the entry lives up to the title of the blog.  Talk it over with your friends and family.  Where DOES the moral code or compass you live by come from?  Wherever it is, it's important we all excercise some kind of ethical compass, lest we all die a painful death at our own hands. 

Happy hunting.

___________ New Year

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”


That’s true isn’t it? I’ve always been a bit amazed at how I’ve come accustomed to someone “wishing” me a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year as if it were a guarantee. After all, saying HAPPY NEW YEAR is really just a condensed version of, “I’m hoping you have a Happy New Year.” It’s a hope, not a promise. How merry we make our Christmas or how happy we make our New Year is really up to us isn’t it?

Sure, we can blame our lack of happiness on a death in the family or a divorce or the loss of a job. And it’s normal, in fact healthy, to feel sadness or loss at those things. We SHOULD feel that way. But does that mean we can’t be happy? I don’t think so. Happiness comes from a different place. It isn’t influenced by outside sources. It comes from waaaaaaaaaay down deep inside. It can be most difficult to find sometimes, but it’s there alright.

For some it just bubbles to the top like fizz from a soda. For others it’s more like a bubble escaping from a tar pit……perhaps a bit slower, if you will. But it’s there for everyone. Maybe you need a little help finding your happiness. That is certainly ok. What ISN’T ok is making it someone else’s job to find your happiness for you: to make them responsible for your happiness. That just isn’t fair, and frankly, it just doesn’t work. Those bubbles burst whether from soda or tar.

For some, not being happy is really nothing more than habit. Maybe some low spots in their lives led them to stop looking. Now THAT truly is sad. I believe we’re all here to be happy. So…..ok…..yes I get it. No one said it was going to be easy. In fact at many times it is excruciating, that search to the abyss where happiness lies. But it’s still a choice we each make personally as to whether or not we trudge on……searching, probing, learning, reeeeeeeeeeeeaaching.

As we near the end of a new year, a new decade, let’s support each other in mustering the strength to be happy. (And by the way, for those of you who think this isn’t the end of the decade, explain to me why 1970 wasn’t the last year of the 60’s). I can’t guarantee any of you a Happy New Year, but I can certainly wish you one, hope for one. And although I won’t be Happiness for you, I’ll certainly help you look for yours if you ask nice and I’m not too busy looking for mine.

Let’s do this. Let’s do everything we can to make 2010 a HAPPY year! It doesn’t have to start January 1, you know. Every day is the start of a new year. It all depends on when you start counting.

So raise a glass. Here’s wishing, hoping, and even praying for each and every one of you to have the best year yet. May the best of your past, be the worst of your future.

Matt

More Perspective

In the Dallas Morning News yesterday, a front page article entitled Gravity of Failed Bombing Emerges, quoted the following:


“WASHINGTON – A day after Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said there was ‘no indication’ an attempted Christmas Day attack aboard an airliner was connected to a larger plot, there were increasing signs that the failed bombing may have represented one of the most serious terrorist threats in the U.S. since the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.”

Let me repeat the last phrase……..”since the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001”. If my math is correct, that is just over 8 years. Yet in the wake of the attempted bombing by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, people all over the globe are already screaming that our current screening system isn’t working. But I’ll get back to that.

If you haven’t been keeping up, the above-named “terrorist” made it through airport security, apparently with no passport, with a bomb concealed in his genital area. Obviously it would seem someone dropped the ball here in a big way. But to be fair, this guy couldn’t even detonate a simple bomb that “could”…..COULD have blown a hole in the airplane. Instead, he caught his shorts on fire. I’m sorry, but that just makes me laugh. It doesn’t forgive the apparent TSA slip-up, but obviously this guy was a french fry short of a Happy Meal. It’s comical.

What isn’t so funny is the avalanche of criticism following the event. I can’t tell you how disheartened I feel sometimes at the attitude of a large percentage of Americans. That being said, I think I should share my perspective on our current state of security. Obviously, I’m no security expert, but I am involved in providing emergency services to the general public.

To begin with, unless you are prepared to go through the security check-point naked and are further prepared to be allowed absolutely no luggage, there IS no fool-proof way to catch each and every person that poses a threat to our security. Every time you step on an airplane, or train, or ride the elevator to the top floor of a hi-rise considered a prime target, you’re taking a risk. Every time you attend a sporting event, a concert, or a political event….ditto. Run the numbers. Regardless of how capable the Department of Homeland Security is (or isn’t), there is positively no way whatsoever to guarantee we’ll catch every terrorist. I can assure you, there will be other attacks on and off our soil. Tweak the system any way you’d like. You still won’t catch them all. What you will eventually do is paralyze a nation that expects perfection. Funny, isn’t that what the terrorists want? Even if they fail, they win because we live in fear.

Which brings me to a similar point. Since the attacks of 9/11, I and people like me have been trained in a variety of new skills. Emergency responders all over the country have been trained to spot Weapons of Mass Destruction. There is a brand new nation-wide system of communication called NIMS which allegedly assures that everyone responding to a mass incident is on the same page. Homeland Security has been developed, revamped and revamped again. We spend billions and billions of dollars every year so that NEXT time something like the World Trade Center or a Hurricane Katrina leaves us in ruin, we’ll be more organized and expedient. Our response will be swift and efficient. It breaks my heart to tell you this, but if a disaster of that magnitude strikes again, regardless of all the training and the billions of dollars spent, it’s going to be organized chaos each and every time. Will it be better than 9/11? Sure. Probably. Is it going to be a colossal comedy of errors? You can bet on it. There are things going on logistically at a disaster such as that you can’t even fathom. On top of that, everyone wants to be in charge. OR….NO one wants to be in charge. Politicians are trying to run the show looking for sound bites. Local jurisdictions are immediately overwhelmed so the State steps in and then THEY are immediately overwhelmed. Shortly thereafter FEMA shows up and eventually, things start to achieve some sort of order. Firefighters and police will be trying to save citizens and save their own. Citizens will be trying to help. Trust me on this. It’ll be a nightmare.

I guess what frustrates me most about all this is our unrealistic desire for things to be perfect. People expect that there will never be another terrorist attack or that if there is, the response will be neat and orderly. Neither of those things could be further from reality. Yet since Christmas Day, we’ve already applied shot-gun solutions to a rifle problem. Now, while on a plane, you can’t use a blanket or pillow. You can’t reach into your overhead bin. You can’t use the bathroom the last hour of the flight. I’m sure all that stuff will be a big help. No terrorist in his right mind would ever go to the bathroom in the FIRST hour of the flight.

Remember the shoe bomber? One guy makes it on a plane with a “shoe bomb” and suddenly we’re all barefoot. Another guy has some liquid bomb thingamajig and now we can’t take a water bottle. And your tooth paste had better be in a tube less than 3 oz. in size. It’s all ridiculous, yet we do these little things that won’t help because it pacifies people.

Enough. If you want perfection, leave your shoes and bags at home, strap on a robe and show up at the airport naked. That’s obviously where we’re heading. The system we have IS working. It isn’t perfect, but no system is. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to improve. It just means we need to be reasonable. We’re never going to reach perfection.

Merry Christmas

Tonite, something of a miracle has occurred in the great state of Texas.  It's covered in a blanket of new snow.  And not just icy, nasty snow.  It's actually beautiful, white, drifting snow.  For the first time since 1926, the people of the Dallas area will have a white Christmas. 

I would be willing to gamble, that for most people, this snow is nothing more than a long-awaited childhood dream.  For the first time in two generations, children of all ages will enjoy the soft white blanket of snow on Christmas day.  For me it means much more.  If you keep up with the blog, you've recently read a "poem" I drafted over a year ago regarding just such a snow.  It took me over a year to share that script publicly, and now outside my window is a new blanket of snow.  For me it's a sign of newness, of a fresh start, of a clean slate on which to etch a new trail.  Be careful which step you take first.  Others may follow.

Having said all that, I find it interesting that I'm reflecting this year on the meaning of Christmas.  Admittedly, this year has not been without emotional challenges and the fact that I'm writing at my table on Christmas Eve is testimony to those challenges.  I'm not complaining.  I have much to be grateful for.  So again, if you keep up with these meager ramblings, you know by now that I'm no longer a Christian.  I'm Agnostic, or as someone dear to me would argue, I'm Gnostic.  I'm still researching that one.  If you read along you ALSO know that I'm a little opinionated and like a good argument, be it regarding politics or religion.  Tonite, I don't care to argue that.  You see, it really doesn't matter whether you're Christian, or Muslim, or Buddhist, or Atheist.  It doesn't even matter whether or not you believe the story of Christmas.  It is without question, one of the greatest stories ever told.  It's a story of a father's love, of peace, of forgiveness, of redemption.  It's a story of hope. It's a story of one of the greatest teachers of all time:  Jesus, the Christ. Surely we can all agree on that.  Here's my version.

Before the time of Christ, we had the Ten Commandments.  These were essentially Old Testament (or old covenant, old contract if you will) rules.  You remember.  These are amazing guidelines brought down to the people of Israel from Mount Sanai that no one seems to live up to.  I know I never could.  I believe this is where the phrase "etched in stone" probably originated.  But these were God's rules and you had to follow them or atone for your sins by sacrificing a goat, etc.  OR....there was always Hell.  Again I wish to not debate that entire scenario.  Those were the rules......God's rules.  But alas, even God eventually realized his people couldn't abide by these rules.  Everyone was doomed to hell because that's what God had promised.  And since God is perfect, he could not go back on his word.  Quite a dilemma I'd say.

But God developed a plan.  There just weren't enough goats to sacrifice for all the world's sin. God decided then and there to send "Himself" to earth to live as man and be the sacrifice for all sin; past, present and future.  Enter Jesus and the NEW Covenant. 

As great philosphers of ancient time had "predicted", the Savior was born to a young virgin named Mary in Bethlehem.  She gave birth to her Son, surrounded by barn animals.  She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a manger.  But that is only the beginning.  A star shined bright above the stable and wise men came from afar to bring gifts to the newborn King.  It truly is a beautiful story filled with wonder.

The short version (surely you know the whole story) is that this baby, Jesus, grew to become a Jewish carpenter who was then labeled the Son of God, King of Kings.  He was both fully God and fully human.  He lived an incredible life as a teacher, healer and leader.  But, as was foretold,  in his early 30's he was branded a heretic and crucified on a cross next to common thieves.  His death is your hope.  His life wasn't taken....it was given so that all might come to know the kingdom of Heaven.

Again, from an historical standpoint this story is full of holes.  I don't believe much of it.  But I don't believe ghosts from baseball past appeared on a baseball diamond cut in the middle of a corn field in Iowa either, yet Field of Dreams is a superb movie filled with great lessons.  You don't have to believe it to reap the benefits of the story.  So during this holiday season, take out your bible and tell your children the story of Jesus.  I can think of no better thing to give your children for Christmas than a story of hope. 

To all my friends, loved one's and faithful readers, have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.  Make a new path on a fresh snow.

Matt