A Little Perspective

The department that I work for is currently part of a nation-wide study to determine if chest compressions combined with a new device for administering rescue breathing improves the outcome of CPR. It specifically is looking to see if a higher percentage of people who actually stop breathing and lose a heartbeat eventually leave the hospital alive. We already know that the national "save" rate when someone is a CPR is somewhere between 2 and 4 percent. In other words.......usually.....dead is dead. We're trying to see if we can improve on that statistic.

Even though our record-keeping hasn't been so good, the data that HAS been collected indicates that our save rate is up a whopping 40 PERCENT using these new CPR methods. That's incredible isn't it? ISN'T IT?? Well, ok it IS an improvement, but let me share a little math with you. If, on average, we save two out of every 100 patients who is in cardiac and respiratory arrest, a 40 percent increase means now we save three. 3-2=1. 1 divided by 3 is about 33 percent. So it's probably more like 3.5. Don't get me wrong. If you're one of the 1.5 people who are saved by these methods, you're happy for the change. My point is this. Don't get caught up in the hype.

Which of course, brings me to the larger topic. What I'm really trying to address is our current administration (Obama) and our newly proposed health care plan. Here's what I think about it. I haven't a clue. Do you know why? I haven't even READ THE BILL! Every day of every week I hear common folk and conservative talk radio on a rampage about the Democrats and Obamacare. I'd like to let you in on a little secret. Most of what you hear is propaganda. Is some of it true? Sure it is. Is ALL of it true? Please. You're smarter than that, right?

I guess what I'm really trying to encourage you to do is, learn before you criticize. It's no different than religion. If you want to argue your religious stance with me, study first. If you want to argue politics and healthcare, study first. Problem is, I haven't studied yet, so give me time. For the love of God, don't assume this bill or that bill or this plan or that plan is bad just because Mark Levin or Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh SAYS it is. That makes you look ignorant. Their job is to make you believe the Republicans have it right. And maybe they do, just don't take their word for it.

If you think I'm wrong, consider when Bush was president. The Democrats were screaming from the rooftops that Bush and his administration was an idiot. Were the Democrats right? Probably no more so than the Republicans are now. The beauty of all this is that it is EXACTLY the way our founding fathers intended it. It's called checks and balances. Two parties duking it out is precisely what keeps us somewhere in the middle.

To be more precise, I don't think there is any way on earth that the new health care plan can be ALL bad. There has to be some good ideas wrapped up in the thousands of pages somewhere. What I wish is what I've always wished. I long for a day when we stop calling it a bad idea in general because it came from a Democrat......or a Republican. I'll bet there is some good stuff in there. And I'll bet the Republicans have some good ideas that might fit too. Maybe we could actually merge the ideas from both sides and come up with a plan that works for everyone. Face it.....Bush had eight years to do it and he didn't get it done.

It's time we stopped calling Obama a liar because he said this or that in his campaign. He's a politician. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you know Bush or even Reagan didn't keep every promise and probably went the opposite direction on a few. It's called politics. It ain't pretty, but in the long run it seems to work. Obama has paid off special interests with tax money. So did Clinton and Bush and Reagan and blah blah blah.

It's time we got off our high horse and worked together. We're still one country, one people. Maybe we should start acting like it. And for crying out loud......read before you get angry. You might actually learn something.

Keep the Change

Last night, shortly before the full moon began to arrive in the eastern sky, I was sitting on my patio at my apartment. Just to the south I saw one of the apartment managers preparing to show an apartment to a young couple. It was hard to tell from the heighth and distance, but they couldn't have been older than 20 or so. Like a flashback that they so eloquently display in movies, I was taken back through my life to when I was that age.

I can remember the excitement of "getting started". I was fresh out of college, married, and had my "eye on the ball". I had the most amazing plan for career, family.............just life in general. I had a plan. You'll laugh, but at one point my goal in life was to own the Interfirst Tower in downtown Dallas. I don't know what you call it now, but it's the one outlined in green neon. Then the most incredible thing happened right in the middle of "getting a new apartment and setting out on my illustrious career"........................change.

I think it's safe to say that almost nothing of my original plan has come to fruition. I don't live where I thought I would. I have a career that didn't even cross my mind as a child. I don't have a yellow house with shutters and a white picket fence. I live in an apartment. I don't have a dog. I DO have two wonderful children, but it's an "extended" family so to speak. I didn't stay married for 50 years. I even had a health scare in my early 40's that truly threatened to REALLY change things.

It's cliche, but the only thing for certain in this life, is that it will change. It may not be tomorrow or next week or even next month, but trust me on this. Change is coming like a mile of locomotives and you can't stop it. The real question is, how are you going to handle it? I was so happy for that young couple yesterday, yet life experience made me want to scream at them to hold on tight because it wasn't always going to be this perfect.

I've handled all my changes in life with varied success. Some were not my fault. Some were entirely my fault. Some I embraced with child-like enthusiasm. Some made me cower in a corner, sleeping, never wanting to come out. In the end, it seems it's always been about acceptance. It's been about accepting the fact that this is how things are right now, this minute. I have very little control over what happens next. The universe seems to align to arrange things to It's will. God's will, if you entertain that concept.

So here's my suggestion. Reflect on your life and take a moment to enjoy all that you've done. If it weren't for all my "changes" there are tons of wonderful things I might never have accomplished. Sure, I'm not a billionaire and I didn't cure cancer or make world peace a reality. But I have saved a life or two, seen the Grand Canyon, taken a great motorcycle trip and helped raise two amazing daughters. Success is what you make it.

Is it divorce? Death of a loved one? Career change? You moving? Fear not. Rejoice in the moment, because it's really all we have to hold on to. Right this minute is all that's guaranteed. Enjoy it.

This too, shall pass.

Thanks for Nothing

Some of you, although not many, may have noticed that there have been no new blog entries as of late, and public access to the site has been restricted. There’s a reason. It may not be the best of reasons, but good enough for me. I take full responsibility for the fact that I retreated from public domain. However, there is someone to thank for my retreat and I’d like to address this to that person.

I blog for a variety of reasons. First, it’s therapeutic. I enjoy writing and I find it relaxing and fulfilling. It’s my way of bringing the thoughts in my head to a place of rest. It puts things in perspective and I find that calming. Second, and this may be the most important for me. I blog to provide entertainment. I like the fact that people may read a particular piece and find something in there that they can relate to. Maybe it angers them. Maybe it makes them laugh. Maybe it just makes them think. And maybe, just maybe, it helps someone. That’s the third reason for the blog. Some part of me hopes it may provide help or hope to someone thinking about the same thing. It’s a long shot, but you just never know. It’s like radio. If you like it, keep listening. If you don’t, turn it off.

At one point in my writing I started an offshoot of my original blog called Diary of a Divorced Dad. Maybe you’ve seen it. It wasn’t actually intended for public viewing, but I wasn’t smart enough to know that it showed up on my profile so some of you read it. And that’s ok. There were no secrets there. It was just something that belonged outside my usual genre. And again, it was an area where I thought someone might relate and be helped. Or maybe even a dialogue would be started……maybe even a friendship. You just never know in cyber space.

Then one day, I received an email from someone that read Diary of a Divorced Dad. He was a divorced dad of one who had been divorced for a year and he stated that he had “stumbled upon” my blog. I assumed he had done a Google Search for “divorce” or something and that’s how he had come across my writing. Although I really hadn’t done a lot of writing for that piece, I was still flattered that someone found it interesting enough to start a dialogue with someone in a similar situation. It wasn’t an exact situation, but similar enough that I thought we may actually be support for each other. Through a series of emails we exchanged some information regarding our situation. I truly believed that maybe, just maybe, something I wrote might help someone. I was wrong.

As it turns out, this person was merely probing me for information that he thought he might actually use against me. And he tried. Only this time, HE was wrong. He assumed that a person I care about was unaware of my current situation and he felt it necessary to contact HER to give her details. As it turns out, I had already offered full disclosure of all that information and there were no secrets. The joke was on him. But if that HE is reading this, let me tell you what you actually accomplished. THIS is just for you.

You violated the sanctity of my writing and left me feeling betrayed. You’re a “brother” from the strictest of brotherhoods and you violated that code.

You made yourself look like a fool.

You ruined an opportunity you might have actually had to discuss issues you might really have. If you’d have come to me like a man, and ASKED if the person I care about knew the details, I would have told you. What you did was the lowest of lows and believe me, I know low.

You caused friction between two people where none was necessary. You thought it might damage things to the point where you, yourself would have an opportunity, and as near as I can tell, you ruined any chance of that EVER happening. You probably even ruined a friendship and violated her trust as well.

You exposed yourself as an underhanded, sneaky, low life and it makes me ashamed to be part of our profession.

You (and I realize this is my own doing) caused me to shut down access to a site that many other people actually read and enjoyed. What you did created a level of mistrust in me that drove me underground to write strictly for me. How long that will go on is up to me, but at least a dozen people have asked about not being able to access the site.

There’s really not much point in beleaguering the issue further. You get the point. At least I hope you do. If you had truly cared about the person you shared all this information with, you’d have come to me first. And then you’d have stayed out of a situation that was none of your business. You weren’t a heroic savior. You’re pathetic. Unfortunately, we share one other thing that I won’t disclose lest I give you away and fit in your category, but let me be clear. I’m also ashamed we share it.

Now to the rest of you. I apologize that, for the moment, I’ve let this person “win”. I can only say it feels a lot like what it must feel like to have someone burglarize your home. My writing is ME and to have someone actually attempt to use it against me in the way HE did, has momentarily killed my enthusiasm for anyone finding entertainment value in what I write. I’m back to writing strictly for me. How long that will last is still unanswered territory. I’ve opened the space for now just to get this piece out. I guess it’s my way of venting.

So, please be patient with me while I sort this out. I still have plenty to write about. And I hope that sometime soon those that enjoy the blog can revisit it. I realize fully that making my personal feelings public domain comes with risk, but I always trusted the general good in people. I hope I can continue to expect that from my few faithful followers. Enjoy.

Matt

Cynical? Me?

cyn⋅ic 
1.
a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.

Just last week, someone very near and dear to me......well ok the nearest and dearest to me, actually called me a cynic. At first I thought she was joking. Then I realized, she wasn't. There's more to that conversation, but it doesn't matter really. Just a few months ago, while on an Urban Search and Rescue deployment for Hurricane Ike, one of my team that I had attended Rookie School with said, "What the heck happened to you?" They went on to tell me I'd gone from super-softie to major grouch. The first event I shrugged off, but after last week, I realize there is a degree of truth to both observations. It's caused me to pause and take a look and I don't care for what I see.

It just kinda sneaks up on you doesn't it? Sixteen years ago I became a fireman and paramedic. I knew nothing about inner city life or life on the street in general. Then I got a first hand look for over 10 years riding one of the busiest ambulances in the city. My situation is NOT unique, so don't think I'm bragging. Quite the contrary. When I became a fireman, I was truly a soft and kind-hearted soul. I acted like it too. Today, I'm still that same person inside, but it doesn't show on the outside to the people I meet or the people I love. That is something I'm going to need to change.

The men and women I share this career with already know what I'm talking about. In our line of work, we generally only see people at their worst. Every person you run into for 24 to 48 hours at a time is having a rotten day. They all want something from you. Some people actually NEED help, but not many. Most just call 911 because they feel it's owed them. What happens after seeing only the bad side of folks for such a long time is, you start to look for the bad in everyone, because you come to expect it. Pretty soon, all you see is bad. It becomes habit. Then one day you wake up, and you're a cynic. All you see is what people want from you and you see their selfish motivations. And before you know it, you ARE those people. At least that's how it's happened to me.

It happens in the smallest ways. You say something snide about a person at Walmart (see earlier entry), you cuss every person on the highway that isn't driving at your speed or in the correct lane. You learn to keep your head down while you're out for a jog because you've learned to think the person running in your direction is going to ask you for loose change. Or worse yet, you figure they're not going to say anything so why should you! It's a viscious cycle. How many of you have a privacy fence in your back yard? We're all building little bubbles around us as a protection mechanism and it's ruining us.

So today, I'm going to thank that amazing person for having the courage to speak the truth. And then I'm going to do this. I'm going to do my best to look for a reason the guy in front of me is driving like an idiot. Perhaps HE'S having a bad day. Instead of cussing him, I'm going to send a message to the universe to look out for him. I'm going to say nice things about people and I'm going to say hello and good morning and good job! I won't bat 1000, but I'm going to try and do better. I need to remember that I'm not the only person on the planet and there is good in everyone. I just need to look for it. Thats what I used to do.

And besides....I don't want my cynicism to cost me someone dear. Life is too short.

Just Because

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.ever thineever mineever ours" - Ludwig von Beethoven -

Guantanamo Bay

This is perhaps one of the trickiest subjects I’ve ever tackled. Partly because I know emotions run high on this topic and partly because I feel more than one way about it. I’m talking about the prisoners we’re currently holding at Guantanamo Bay for suspicion of terrorist activities.

Like a lot of people, I was shocked and outraged at the events of 9/11/2001. I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. I wanted revenge. I wanted blood. And I wanted it now. I stood and cheered as President Bush declared we would not waver on our quest to root out the people responsible for the attacks on our soil. I actually STILL feel that way. I just think maybe we’re faltering a little, but that’s another subject.

There has been a great deal of discussion lately about the tactics used to squeeze information from the prisoners we’re currently holding. The tactic most generally discussed is “water-boarding”. It essentially means we nearly drowned the person until he talks. It’s a means of “torture”, if you will.

As a human being, I don’t think there is a torture too extreme to extrapolate information from those that threaten our soil. As an individual, I say we pull their fingernails out one by one, catch them on fire, WHATEVER. There isn’t anything too extreme for someone that would do that to us. As an individual I think our national security justifies the means. But wait a minute.

As a NATION, I think we have to think twice about that. Take a look at our history as the United States of America. We have always been the good guys, right? We were behind the Geneva Convention which is supposed to guarantee just treatment of POW’s. Now I realize everyone hasn’t always adhered to that little document, but we always have. We were responsible for removing the barrier between East and West Germany. We broke down the wall dividing China. Which reminds me; why in the hell would we want to build a wall between us and Mexico? We take down walls, not build them! We have ALWAYS tried to be the good guys. Even after we beat the crap out of everyone in WWII, we helped everyone rebuild. Sure, I know it led to government contracts that were in our economy’s best interest, etc, etc, but we helped nonetheless.

Remember Nuremberg? Between November 1945 and October of 1946, we put 24 Nazi war criminals on trial. These were some of the worst human beings known to man. They were responsible for millions of Jewish deaths and yet, we treated them fairly. We gave them a speedy trial. Three individuals were actually acquitted, twelve were hung and the others received various prison sentences. Despite how despicable their crimes were, we followed the rules. We set an example and hopefully, justice was served.

Now back to Guantanamo. We’ve been holding many of these prisoners since 2002. To my knowledge there have been few, if any, trials of their guilt or innocence conducted. That certainly goes against the right to a speedy trial. And you can bet we’d be screaming from the rooftops if the tides were turned. I fully realize it’s more complicated than that. But I still think that, as a nation, we need to take the higher ground. Now I’m not talking about giving them a free ride or letting them off the hook. I’m just talking about following the rules.

Remember, as an individual, my inclination is to kill them all and let God sort them out. Apparently that’s just one reason why I’m not President. But as a citizen of these United States, I think it’s important that we set the tone. We follow the rules. We see that justice is done. We don’t let our emotions dictate our sense of right and wrong.

Times are tough these days. Our economy is cratering and we’re at war on several fronts. More than ever, we need allies. The only way to make friends is to be a friend. Some people can’t be bargained with or convinced. I know that. I get it. I truly do. But our allies need us to set the example. We always have. More than ever, we need to do it now. It’s the only way a world at war will ever look up to us again.

Hermetically Sealed

The other night I was trying to pour some Olive Oil into a pan. After exerting all the human strength I had to twist off the cap, I turned the bottle up and nothing came out. After careful examination, I realized there was yet a second deterrent to using Olive Oil. It was some little plastic thingy with a ring that you pull to open the door to the slippery substance. I wanted to bang the neck of the bottle on the cabinet, break it into jagged pieces and yell, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I nearly gave up Olive Oil. It’s just too much trouble.

The real issue though, is I’d have to give up nearly everything. Every time I open a carton of milk I spill a teaspoon full trying to pull off that damn little plastic thing. Oh and my favorite is ANYTHING in a bottle be it pills or liquid. Even Ketchup for cryin out loud!! That’s right. You STILL have to twist off that damn lid that’s been put on with industrial-strength pliers, pull off the plastic thingy and THEN they have that foil crap stretched over it. I’m sure you’ve seen it. It’s the stuff you try to pull off with your finger nails. That rarely works so I usually try pulling it off with my teeth. When that fails I go for a kitchen knife which invariably leads to the damn thing falling IN the bottle and clogging the very orifice I was trying to open!

So who do we have to thank for everything we consume today being hermetically sealed? This’ll kill ya. We don’t KNOW who! That’s right! In 1982, seven people in Chicago died when they took Tylenol that some bird-brain laced with Cyanide. Whoever the criminal is, he/she was never caught. What did happen is that we have now spent BILLIONS of dollars retooling every machine in the country so that everything you consume is nearly impossible to open. And here’s the kicker. None of it is any safer than it was in 1982.

I’m no brain surgeon by any stretch of the imagination and I can think of AT LEAST one way to contaminate every bottle or carton or piece of fruit I come in contact with. Any 10 year old could do it. All those fancy caps do NOTHING to prevent the introduction of a hypodermic needle or some other utensil that can somehow inject poison, or bacteria, or whatever into any food or drug item. Remember when you were a kid and your folks had to inspect your candy for needles or your apples for razor blades? I’m surprised fruit and candy doesn’t come in a lead-based-bomb-proof container. And yet, our government didn’t cancel Halloween. How did THAT happen? Guess there wasn’t any money in it.

Can we please, please, PLEASE stop using the shotgun approach to solve a rifle issue? We have the safest food supply in the world. But guess what? We can’t make sure every damn lettuce leaf you eat is germ free. It just isn’t possible. Let’s just do our best and be thankful for what we have.

And if I EVER catch the little bastard that laced that Tylenol, I’ll beat his ass to a bloody stump with a bottle of aspirin. It’ll be heavy, too, because it’ll be full of pills I couldn’t take out!!