Cynical? Me?

cyn⋅ic 
1.
a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.

Just last week, someone very near and dear to me......well ok the nearest and dearest to me, actually called me a cynic. At first I thought she was joking. Then I realized, she wasn't. There's more to that conversation, but it doesn't matter really. Just a few months ago, while on an Urban Search and Rescue deployment for Hurricane Ike, one of my team that I had attended Rookie School with said, "What the heck happened to you?" They went on to tell me I'd gone from super-softie to major grouch. The first event I shrugged off, but after last week, I realize there is a degree of truth to both observations. It's caused me to pause and take a look and I don't care for what I see.

It just kinda sneaks up on you doesn't it? Sixteen years ago I became a fireman and paramedic. I knew nothing about inner city life or life on the street in general. Then I got a first hand look for over 10 years riding one of the busiest ambulances in the city. My situation is NOT unique, so don't think I'm bragging. Quite the contrary. When I became a fireman, I was truly a soft and kind-hearted soul. I acted like it too. Today, I'm still that same person inside, but it doesn't show on the outside to the people I meet or the people I love. That is something I'm going to need to change.

The men and women I share this career with already know what I'm talking about. In our line of work, we generally only see people at their worst. Every person you run into for 24 to 48 hours at a time is having a rotten day. They all want something from you. Some people actually NEED help, but not many. Most just call 911 because they feel it's owed them. What happens after seeing only the bad side of folks for such a long time is, you start to look for the bad in everyone, because you come to expect it. Pretty soon, all you see is bad. It becomes habit. Then one day you wake up, and you're a cynic. All you see is what people want from you and you see their selfish motivations. And before you know it, you ARE those people. At least that's how it's happened to me.

It happens in the smallest ways. You say something snide about a person at Walmart (see earlier entry), you cuss every person on the highway that isn't driving at your speed or in the correct lane. You learn to keep your head down while you're out for a jog because you've learned to think the person running in your direction is going to ask you for loose change. Or worse yet, you figure they're not going to say anything so why should you! It's a viscious cycle. How many of you have a privacy fence in your back yard? We're all building little bubbles around us as a protection mechanism and it's ruining us.

So today, I'm going to thank that amazing person for having the courage to speak the truth. And then I'm going to do this. I'm going to do my best to look for a reason the guy in front of me is driving like an idiot. Perhaps HE'S having a bad day. Instead of cussing him, I'm going to send a message to the universe to look out for him. I'm going to say nice things about people and I'm going to say hello and good morning and good job! I won't bat 1000, but I'm going to try and do better. I need to remember that I'm not the only person on the planet and there is good in everyone. I just need to look for it. Thats what I used to do.

And besides....I don't want my cynicism to cost me someone dear. Life is too short.

Just Because

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.ever thineever mineever ours" - Ludwig von Beethoven -

Guantanamo Bay

This is perhaps one of the trickiest subjects I’ve ever tackled. Partly because I know emotions run high on this topic and partly because I feel more than one way about it. I’m talking about the prisoners we’re currently holding at Guantanamo Bay for suspicion of terrorist activities.

Like a lot of people, I was shocked and outraged at the events of 9/11/2001. I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. I wanted revenge. I wanted blood. And I wanted it now. I stood and cheered as President Bush declared we would not waver on our quest to root out the people responsible for the attacks on our soil. I actually STILL feel that way. I just think maybe we’re faltering a little, but that’s another subject.

There has been a great deal of discussion lately about the tactics used to squeeze information from the prisoners we’re currently holding. The tactic most generally discussed is “water-boarding”. It essentially means we nearly drowned the person until he talks. It’s a means of “torture”, if you will.

As a human being, I don’t think there is a torture too extreme to extrapolate information from those that threaten our soil. As an individual, I say we pull their fingernails out one by one, catch them on fire, WHATEVER. There isn’t anything too extreme for someone that would do that to us. As an individual I think our national security justifies the means. But wait a minute.

As a NATION, I think we have to think twice about that. Take a look at our history as the United States of America. We have always been the good guys, right? We were behind the Geneva Convention which is supposed to guarantee just treatment of POW’s. Now I realize everyone hasn’t always adhered to that little document, but we always have. We were responsible for removing the barrier between East and West Germany. We broke down the wall dividing China. Which reminds me; why in the hell would we want to build a wall between us and Mexico? We take down walls, not build them! We have ALWAYS tried to be the good guys. Even after we beat the crap out of everyone in WWII, we helped everyone rebuild. Sure, I know it led to government contracts that were in our economy’s best interest, etc, etc, but we helped nonetheless.

Remember Nuremberg? Between November 1945 and October of 1946, we put 24 Nazi war criminals on trial. These were some of the worst human beings known to man. They were responsible for millions of Jewish deaths and yet, we treated them fairly. We gave them a speedy trial. Three individuals were actually acquitted, twelve were hung and the others received various prison sentences. Despite how despicable their crimes were, we followed the rules. We set an example and hopefully, justice was served.

Now back to Guantanamo. We’ve been holding many of these prisoners since 2002. To my knowledge there have been few, if any, trials of their guilt or innocence conducted. That certainly goes against the right to a speedy trial. And you can bet we’d be screaming from the rooftops if the tides were turned. I fully realize it’s more complicated than that. But I still think that, as a nation, we need to take the higher ground. Now I’m not talking about giving them a free ride or letting them off the hook. I’m just talking about following the rules.

Remember, as an individual, my inclination is to kill them all and let God sort them out. Apparently that’s just one reason why I’m not President. But as a citizen of these United States, I think it’s important that we set the tone. We follow the rules. We see that justice is done. We don’t let our emotions dictate our sense of right and wrong.

Times are tough these days. Our economy is cratering and we’re at war on several fronts. More than ever, we need allies. The only way to make friends is to be a friend. Some people can’t be bargained with or convinced. I know that. I get it. I truly do. But our allies need us to set the example. We always have. More than ever, we need to do it now. It’s the only way a world at war will ever look up to us again.

Hermetically Sealed

The other night I was trying to pour some Olive Oil into a pan. After exerting all the human strength I had to twist off the cap, I turned the bottle up and nothing came out. After careful examination, I realized there was yet a second deterrent to using Olive Oil. It was some little plastic thingy with a ring that you pull to open the door to the slippery substance. I wanted to bang the neck of the bottle on the cabinet, break it into jagged pieces and yell, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I nearly gave up Olive Oil. It’s just too much trouble.

The real issue though, is I’d have to give up nearly everything. Every time I open a carton of milk I spill a teaspoon full trying to pull off that damn little plastic thing. Oh and my favorite is ANYTHING in a bottle be it pills or liquid. Even Ketchup for cryin out loud!! That’s right. You STILL have to twist off that damn lid that’s been put on with industrial-strength pliers, pull off the plastic thingy and THEN they have that foil crap stretched over it. I’m sure you’ve seen it. It’s the stuff you try to pull off with your finger nails. That rarely works so I usually try pulling it off with my teeth. When that fails I go for a kitchen knife which invariably leads to the damn thing falling IN the bottle and clogging the very orifice I was trying to open!

So who do we have to thank for everything we consume today being hermetically sealed? This’ll kill ya. We don’t KNOW who! That’s right! In 1982, seven people in Chicago died when they took Tylenol that some bird-brain laced with Cyanide. Whoever the criminal is, he/she was never caught. What did happen is that we have now spent BILLIONS of dollars retooling every machine in the country so that everything you consume is nearly impossible to open. And here’s the kicker. None of it is any safer than it was in 1982.

I’m no brain surgeon by any stretch of the imagination and I can think of AT LEAST one way to contaminate every bottle or carton or piece of fruit I come in contact with. Any 10 year old could do it. All those fancy caps do NOTHING to prevent the introduction of a hypodermic needle or some other utensil that can somehow inject poison, or bacteria, or whatever into any food or drug item. Remember when you were a kid and your folks had to inspect your candy for needles or your apples for razor blades? I’m surprised fruit and candy doesn’t come in a lead-based-bomb-proof container. And yet, our government didn’t cancel Halloween. How did THAT happen? Guess there wasn’t any money in it.

Can we please, please, PLEASE stop using the shotgun approach to solve a rifle issue? We have the safest food supply in the world. But guess what? We can’t make sure every damn lettuce leaf you eat is germ free. It just isn’t possible. Let’s just do our best and be thankful for what we have.

And if I EVER catch the little bastard that laced that Tylenol, I’ll beat his ass to a bloody stump with a bottle of aspirin. It’ll be heavy, too, because it’ll be full of pills I couldn’t take out!!