The Big Bagel: Why I'm Still Not an Atheist

 "Sometimes new questions are more important than new answers." 

~Howard Bloom, The God Problem~

"Prepare to have your mind blown."

~Matthew Leatherwood~

By a show of hands, how many of you believe our existence began with a "Big Bang" roughly 13.73 billion years ago? Good. Good. Ok, now put your hands down. And now, how many of you believe in Creationism, or, a god that in some way created everything? Ok. Ok. Cool. You may put your hands down. 

Now, before you all start arguing, what if I told you, "you're both right." At least, you both could be right. You're going to have to hang in here with me a bit while I explain, but I'm about to attempt to do just that. On the surface, it seems largely a binary choice argued on one side by science; the other side by religion. But we can get there. Keep reading.

If you've read There's Never Been Nothing, you already know of my "struggles" with determining the existence of a higher power; God, if you will. I've labeled myself plenty of things in the last 61 years or so, but Atheist is a place I just couldn't go. Despite so much confusion, study, and soul-searching on my part, the idea that this is all there is has eluded me. Up until now, I haven't been able to take on the Atheist label for two reasons. The first involves how we explain self-awareness. We're all biologically the same, yet I'm only aware of "me." That speaks of soul to me. 

The second, now becoming more clear than ever, is that, at our current level of understanding, we know you can't make something from nothing. Therefore, logically, there's never been nothing. Which in itself, is wholly illogical. There's always been "something." But how? Both those statements make my head hurt. They make both perfect sense, and simultaneously, no sense at all. 

In my continuing quest for answers, I recently picked up a copy of The God Problem, How a Godless Universe Creates, by Howard Bloom. In his book, Bloom "promises" to make a solid argument about how our cosmos came from nothingness. At last, an explanation based on facts that would explain how there could have once been nothing. His suggestion gave me an inkling of hope and a strong dose of skepticism at the same time. This book is 600 pages of very sound physics, both theoretical and scientific, starting with the Babylonians, of how our universe was created and why it continues to exist and communicate, all without the presence of God. 

I'm sorry religious folks, but the science on this one is sound (don't quit reading. I'm getting to your side of the story). Our universe, ever expanding at an exponential rate, was created with a Big Bang roughly 13.73 billion years ago. Since that time, everything from the smallest quark to humans, have been competing in a push/pull level of existence for attention. The law of attraction basically controls everything. Called "Recruitment Strategies," everything from the first bang has been competing for attention. It occurs at every level. Every. Level. Birds do it. Bees do it. Even quarks do it. It's survival of the fittest at the most basic level. So, if you're a scientist, you're on solid ground. This info is without dispute. 

Now for you religious folks. I'm sorry, but your bearded god in the sky and savior-type deity just isn't real. Or is it? I'll be the first to admit, the bearded sky man and savior story just isn't going to do it for me. It's a great story, but I'm not convinced it's in any way factual. But here's the rub. I don't know. And neither do you. Why? Because we weren't there at the "beginning," whenever the hell that was. The fact there's never been nothing suggests there wasn't a beginning. Or was there?

Still hanging in there? Ok, cool. There is now evidence in the world of theoretical physics that our universe was born of a Big "Bagel." Picture a bagel (or donut) with a hole in the middle. Our creation sprang forth from the hole, matter going one direction, anti-matter the other. Now enter a recruitment strategy that suggests gravity pulls these two toward each other on the outside edge of the bagel until they meet. When matter and anti-matter meet, you get a big bang......rinse and repeat.

See where I'm going here? There is simply no way of knowing if our "Big Bang" was the first big bang, or simply one of an infinite series of big bangs which all started from a bagel. We know for a fact, big bangs springing forth new universes are happening all the time with no end in sight. And as it turns out, no beginning in sight either.

It boils down to this. No physicist I've considered or read about, no scientist, biologist, or otherwise brainiac sort, has ever truly addressed or been able to explain what happened BEFORE the Big Bang. The closest I've read in terms of an explanation actually resembles religion. If you can't explain it, make up a fairy tale. In the scientific world, that tale would be that before the Big Bang, there was nothing. But the Big Bang had to come from something, right? And what of this "God Particle" and how critics fear we're close to finding it and shouldn't? Let's be clear. No matter what you call this particle, it isn't "nothing."

It's completely plausible to me, that something "created" this universe almost 14 billion years ago with a bang. But it didn't come from nothing. And those that aver "God just always was," then tell me, where did God come from? They didn't come from nothingness. What all this really means is that from a scientific standpoint, we know we all started with a bang. But we just don't know what happened before that. But it had to be something. That's the extent of our understanding.

So, until someone proves the idea of nothingness, I cling to the idea that "something" is behind this whole thing. And since time and space are both relative to our existence, for all we know, our universe is a dust speck on a flower being carried around by an elephant. We simply cannot know for sure. Without proof otherwise, I'll never be an Atheist. And believe me, I've looked hard.

There's Never Been Nothing

Namaste