The Big Bagel: Why I'm Still Not an Atheist

 "Sometimes new questions are more important than new answers." 

~Howard Bloom, The God Problem~

"Prepare to have your mind blown."

~Matthew Leatherwood~

By a show of hands, how many of you believe our existence began with a "Big Bang" roughly 13.73 billion years ago? Good. Good. Ok, now put your hands down. And now, how many of you believe in Creationism, or, a god that in some way created everything? Ok. Ok. Cool. You may put your hands down. 

Now, before you all start arguing, what if I told you, "you're both right." At least, you both could be right. You're going to have to hang in here with me a bit while I explain, but I'm about to attempt to do just that. On the surface, it seems largely a binary choice argued on one side by science; the other side by religion. But we can get there. Keep reading.

If you've read There's Never Been Nothing, you already know of my "struggles" with determining the existence of a higher power; God, if you will. I've labeled myself plenty of things in the last 61 years or so, but Atheist is a place I just couldn't go. Despite so much confusion, study, and soul-searching on my part, the idea that this is all there is has eluded me. Up until now, I haven't been able to take on the Atheist label for two reasons. The first involves how we explain self-awareness. We're all biologically the same, yet I'm only aware of "me." That speaks of soul to me. 

The second, now becoming more clear than ever, is that, at our current level of understanding, we know you can't make something from nothing. Therefore, logically, there's never been nothing. Which in itself, is wholly illogical. There's always been "something." But how? Both those statements make my head hurt. They make both perfect sense, and simultaneously, no sense at all. 

In my continuing quest for answers, I recently picked up a copy of The God Problem, How a Godless Universe Creates, by Howard Bloom. In his book, Bloom "promises" to make a solid argument about how our cosmos came from nothingness. At last, an explanation based on facts that would explain how there could have once been nothing. His suggestion gave me an inkling of hope and a strong dose of skepticism at the same time. This book is 600 pages of very sound physics, both theoretical and scientific, starting with the Babylonians, of how our universe was created and why it continues to exist and communicate, all without the presence of God. 

I'm sorry religious folks, but the science on this one is sound (don't quit reading. I'm getting to your side of the story). Our universe, ever expanding at an exponential rate, was created with a Big Bang roughly 13.73 billion years ago. Since that time, everything from the smallest quark to humans, have been competing in a push/pull level of existence for attention. The law of attraction basically controls everything. Called "Recruitment Strategies," everything from the first bang has been competing for attention. It occurs at every level. Every. Level. Birds do it. Bees do it. Even quarks do it. It's survival of the fittest at the most basic level. So, if you're a scientist, you're on solid ground. This info is without dispute. 

Now for you religious folks. I'm sorry, but your bearded god in the sky and savior-type deity just isn't real. Or is it? I'll be the first to admit, the bearded sky man and savior story just isn't going to do it for me. It's a great story, but I'm not convinced it's in any way factual. But here's the rub. I don't know. And neither do you. Why? Because we weren't there at the "beginning," whenever the hell that was. The fact there's never been nothing suggests there wasn't a beginning. Or was there?

Still hanging in there? Ok, cool. There is now evidence in the world of theoretical physics that our universe was born of a Big "Bagel." Picture a bagel (or donut) with a hole in the middle. Our creation sprang forth from the hole, matter going one direction, anti-matter the other. Now enter a recruitment strategy that suggests gravity pulls these two toward each other on the outside edge of the bagel until they meet. When matter and anti-matter meet, you get a big bang......rinse and repeat.

See where I'm going here? There is simply no way of knowing if our "Big Bang" was the first big bang, or simply one of an infinite series of big bangs which all started from a bagel. We know for a fact, big bangs springing forth new universes are happening all the time with no end in sight. And as it turns out, no beginning in sight either.

It boils down to this. No physicist I've considered or read about, no scientist, biologist, or otherwise brainiac sort, has ever truly addressed or been able to explain what happened BEFORE the Big Bang. The closest I've read in terms of an explanation actually resembles religion. If you can't explain it, make up a fairy tale. In the scientific world, that tale would be that before the Big Bang, there was nothing. But the Big Bang had to come from something, right? And what of this "God Particle" and how critics fear we're close to finding it and shouldn't? Let's be clear. No matter what you call this particle, it isn't "nothing."

It's completely plausible to me, that something "created" this universe almost 14 billion years ago with a bang. But it didn't come from nothing. And those that aver "God just always was," then tell me, where did God come from? They didn't come from nothingness. What all this really means is that from a scientific standpoint, we know we all started with a bang. But we just don't know what happened before that. But it had to be something. That's the extent of our understanding.

So, until someone proves the idea of nothingness, I cling to the idea that "something" is behind this whole thing. And since time and space are both relative to our existence, for all we know, our universe is a dust speck on a flower being carried around by an elephant. We simply cannot know for sure. Without proof otherwise, I'll never be an Atheist. And believe me, I've looked hard.

There's Never Been Nothing

Namaste

Celebrate Anyway

 

“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state--it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle.... Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one's actions."

 ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel ~

 

Four years ago, almost exactly to the day, I sat alone on the front porch of a house I had owned for only three months. Prior to that, I lived mostly in a 28' camper and lived the life of a modern-day gypsy. I had no dog, no cats, no wife, and really no true responsibilities. And by mere happenstance, I came upon a house that literally called out to me.  So, here I sat on the porch of this great little house, in basically a strange place, with no real friends or even solid acquaintances. A fireworks show of epic proportions was about to begin, and I was about to witness it alone. To be honest, I was at total peace with that.

Just last night, I sat in a lawn chair in the driveway of that same house, poised for the same fireworks show, surrounded by my wife, family, and great friends. (Our dog and two cats waited in the house. The dog was not in a celebratory mood). Times certainly have changed and I have so very much to be thankful for; so much to.......celebrate!!

Let's be honest. Our little, infantile democratic republic has given us damn little to feel like celebrating about lately. As if a world-wide pandemic wasn't enough, we've had major unrest in the stock market, a tumultuous presidential election complete with an insurrection, and now, SCOTUS is setting us back to the stone age.

Women have lost the right to control their own bodies, EPA guidelines are being struck down, and now things like gay marriage, equal rights, and voting rights are in the cross hairs of the highest court in the land. Oddly, interracial marriage isn't currently being addressed but we all know why. SCOTUS has literally set our country back 50 years or more. It's infuriating. It's unacceptable. It's frightening.

In the last week or so, I've read so many Facebook posts about people not feeling like America deserves a birthday party. People are wearing black instead of red, white, and blue. And you know what? I get it. As adamantly as people chant "'Murica!" at the top of their lungs, "'Murica" ain't so great any more. We lag behind other developed nations (and some underdeveloped) in almost every category; incarcerated persons being the exception. We lag behind in math, science, and reading. Our impoverished are growing more so. Our birth mortality rates are embarrassing. Our health care is ridiculous, and our government is dropping the ball at every turn.

We have many a reason to not celebrate a holiday like the 4th of July. But celebrate we must. Last night I celebrated good friends, a wonderful partner for life, a wonderful home, and a great village. My wife and I are bright blue in a town, county, and state that are bright red. Not all, but many of our friends don't share our same religion or politics, and we're friends anyway. And we celebrate that every chance we get.

Look, I'm not suggesting we just sit on our asses and ignore the decisions that are turning our nation upside down. We must vote, speak up, get involved, and make our voices heard! But it doesn't have to be one or the other. I'm infuriated by the recent SCOTUS decisions. But, last night I celebrated. I have to. I have to find reasons to celebrate.'

Relatively speaking, our country is still in its infancy. 250 years is nothing. We will go through many, many changes. Honestly, I feel there's an excellent chance our capitalist-based economy will crumble before long. Our democracy and our voting rights are already being threatened to the extent actual voting may make no difference at all. The real elite that are running the show are being exposed for the long con they've been playing, but we've let it go so long we'll not likely recover. And that says nothing of the way our climate is changing. That, also, is nearing a tipping point from whence we may not return. It's a dismal state of affairs if that's on what you choose to focus.

Today, I am grateful. Despite the issues, things could be so much worse. So, make your voices heard! And for crying out loud, BE angry! There's about to be a great burst of reform. It is so very hard to find the silver lining in such dark clouds, but find it we must. Do everything in your power to bring about the change you desire. It's going to be difficult and it's going to get darker before we see light.

Celebrate anyway.

Namaste