“Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel bad that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?” – Randy Pausch
I've always been better at expressing what I have to say with the written word. When I try speaking what's on my mind, the words come out jumbled and I repeat myself. I often miss the mark. So, for a start, this is my attempt at correcting some recent wrongs.
When a friend called me out on my recent state of mind, I tossed his opinion aside. When another friend mentioned my posts have been "edgy," I filed that away, as well. But when my daughter, whom I love and respect very much, called me out on how my confrontational attitude was outside my usual mantra and, in fact, hurtful, I had to dig way back to my days in Al Anon and examine my part. And I do, indeed, play a big part in my recent behavior. In fact, it's all mine to own.
Things have been strange in 2020, have they not? It became easy for me to get caught up in the hype about politics, Covid-19, masks, religion, and, well, everything. My opinion is important and it should be heard! (Add sarcasm).
But here's the thing. For quite some time, I've actually tried to live by a "Peace, Love, Joy, and Harmony" code. It isn't always easy, but it's a code that means everything to me. I've been living outside that code, and to those of you who have been hurt by my behavior, I humbly apologize.
My daughter put it beautifully. "If what you're truly preaching is tolerance and acceptance, then you'd better be able to model those behaviors throughout all experiences." Boom! That was a serious wake-up call, and I had it coming. My beliefs really aren't a secret. I believe in equal rights for all sexes, religions, races, creeds, and politics. I believe that freedom is difficult, but it truly means everyone has a right to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not. My job is not to sway your way of thinking. My job is to accept it, embrace it, and perhaps learn from it. It most definitely is NOT to ridicule you for it.
I'm passionate about my beliefs. But just because I believe it, it doesn't make it true....or right. It just makes it true and right for me. That's all that matters.
All that said, an apology means little without an action to follow, so here goes:
1. I will scan my social media page for confrontational and hurtful material, and delete it.
2. I will filter future postings through the "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" guideline.
3. When I see material that is contrary to my personal beliefs, I'll try better to understand.
What we all need is to come to a better understanding of each other. I may not currently understand why you like Trump, believe in a particular religion, or like beets. But I can at least be open to the possibility of seeing your point of view. I can't do that with a closed mind and steadfastly holding onto the position that my way is the right way. I'll do better.
So, to my friends, I apologize if anything I've posted or said hurt you or made you uncomfortable. To my daughter, thank you for the courage to speak your mind and call me out on behavior outside of what I preach. You're a rock star and I love you.
Let's take a stab at a better understanding of each other. If we stick with it, I'll bet we find middle ground we can all live with. It's not easy, but we can do it. We have to, actually, or the hate will tear us apart.
Namaste,
Matt
