Is This All There Is?

“The real question is, is there life before death?”

~Alan Cohen~

“There is just one life for each of us: our own.” 

~ Euripides~

Just this week, I had the honor of attending the funeral of a man who, perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever known, earned the right to ask, “Is this all there is?”  And yet, he never did.  A three-year battle with ALS forced him to leave a career he loved.  ALS took a strapping, strong man and confined him to a wheel chair.  It eventually did what it does to all people with ALS.  It killed him, leaving behind a wife, two daughters, parents, and a brotherhood that loved him.

But Tracy didn’t ask that question.  He took the disease head on.  He gave thanks that it was he that was diagnosed, and not others with less of a support mechanism.  He stayed involved.  He helped raise local awareness of this crippling, fatal disease, and he professed his faith to the bitter end. 

Admittedly, I don’t share Tracy’s same faith in a “savior” nor do I share in the same belief of a hereafter: heaven, if you will.  But I have been faced with that same question for much lesser reasons, and most times, chose to look for more rather than fight.  “Is this all there is?” I’d ask.  “There must be more than just this.  I have to find it,” was very nearly always my answer.

It’s a “grass is always greener” scenario, and most of us already know how that plays out.  It’s no surprise, the grass is nearly always greener where you water it. 

Now, I don’t live my life with much regret.  Perhaps I should.  But, that serves no real purpose.  I have been wired, conditioned, or taught, for whatever reason, to “seek.”  I have, on numerous occasions, taken the path less traveled for the sake of finding out if this is, indeed, all there is.  And I do have an answer that works for me.   Yes, this is all there is.

Perhaps you’re in a place where you’re asking yourself that same question.  Maybe you’re sitting around the dinner table with a wife and two children.  It’s loud, chaotic, and mundane.  That “spark” is gone from your marriage, or you feel tied down, or your dreams are slipping away.  Maybe you’re feeling underappreciated at work.  Or maybe it’s you who has been diagnosed with a crippling or fatal illness and you’re wondering, “Why me?”

If you know me at all, you know I don’t profess to know the answers for you.  Sadly, only you can know what rests well with your spirit.  But before you go looking for whatever there is beyond “this,” be sure you’ve looked ahead far enough to consider the cost.  Venturing out for greener pastures can mean heartache, loneliness, holidays without family, unemployment, unrest, and much more.  It can also mean liberation, freedom, excitement, and a renewed sense of adventure.  Again, only you can answer that one.  And you may not know for sure until you try. 

Here is what I know for certain, no matter who you are.  This is all there is.  It is.  This relationship, this car, this spouse, this job, this house, this life is all there is.  So you can stop asking that question if you wish.  It’s been asked and answered over and over again.  The real question, before you decide to stay or venture out in search of greener pastures is,

“What I am going to do with it?”

Dig Deeper

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

 

~ Martin Luther King, Jr. ~

 

 
“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” 

 

~ Martin Luther King, Jr. ~

 

 

Just recently, arguably one of the largest massacres in American history took place in Orlando, Florida.  This isn't news to you.  It can't possibly be.  

Just recently, an American soldier died in the Middle East.  I'll bet that's news to you.  

Just today, an Middle Easterner was killed at the hands of an American soldier.  I'm guessing that's also news to you.

And still, just today, somewhere in America.....in fact, probably somewhere nearly everywhere on the planet, someone was killed by a handgun or assault rifle.  And let's face it.  We've become so calloused to the whole idea, that's not even on the radar as news.  

For a couple days now, I've been trying to come to grips with why all these things are happening.  The truth is, I many never know.  Perhaps, it's just human nature to kill or be killed; to destroy or be destroyed.  Perhaps it's our nature to judge and shut out understanding.  Perhaps we're just really a race of hate.  But I don't think so.

 

I recently got schooled by some people I respect on, of all places, Facebook, about why it's important we remember this most recent massacre took place in a Gay night club as opposed to just a night club.  It's important we understand this was a pointed and bigoted attack on a particular "group" of people.  I get it.  I do.

As a writer, I've always felt my "job" was twofold;  write for joy and make people think.  Or at least try to make them think.  It's not always easy.  But when it comes to things like war, and killing, and gun control, gun control laws, Second Amendment issues, and hatred, I feel like I'm always falling short of making my point.  You know, because my point is important.  ;-)

 

So, I'll try once again.  I get that in our current state of consciousness, things like borders, gun ownership, hatred, bigotry, misunderstanding, and war are all part of our world view.  I ache for the people that were killed in Orlando.......or Libya, or Iraq, or wherever.  And I wouldn't dream of denying someone their right to own a gun in America.  In fact, I wouldn't deny anyone's right to almost anything.  You want to wage war, wield a gun, hate Gays, Blacks, Christians or Muslims, go right ahead.  It's your right.  It makes you ignorant, in my opinion, but it's your right nonetheless and you're the one that has to live with yourself.  

 

Here's where I get stuck explaining myself.  I'm completely anti-war.  Having said that, I get that in our current human state, we feel it's necessary to protect "our" interests.  And speaking of "ours," I'm also anti-border.  I'm not anti-American, but our ignorance is pushing me to the brink.  That said, I get that under our current human state, borders are necessary economically and politically, and they make us feel safer.  Look, I was the first to jump on the bandwagon for hunting down the ruthless terrorists after 9/11.  But really, what have we accomplished since then?  Not much more than adding to an already ridiculous death toll.  I have no idea how many innocent civilians have been killed while we wage revenge.

 

What it really boils down to for me is metaphysics, and while at least one of you will call me a dope-smoking hippie, even Jesus himself got this concept.  We do reap what we sow.  But it's not what you think.  What really causes all this war, killing, and hatred is a lack of understanding.  A lack of tolerance.  And if you want to keep feeding the war machine, or keep feeling the need to have a gun, then by all means buy one.  Metaphysically, that sends the message you'll need it.  Somewhere, someone, somehow, has to set an example by saying, "You know what?  I'll put down my gun.  I want to sit down at the table and talk to you.  Do you feel cheated?  Do you feel like our foreign policy is unfair?  Are you scared of gay people or black people?  Do you think an immigrant is going to take your job?  Ok, I get it.  But I think we can work that out.  Let's do it without violence of any kind."

 

It's not an easy issue for me.  But I remember every day that I'm American strictly by virtue of the fact I was born here.  Every Iraqi or Iranian or Mexican or whatever is what they are for the same reason.  It's ignorant and short-sighted to think we all somehow want something different.  My guess is every person in every nation, be they white, black, gay, muslim, jew, ad infinitum, just wants to be understood and wants what's best for their families.  Do you think all Muslims want to kill Americans?  Even if that were true, which it isn't, you have to ask yourself why.  Could it be we're selfish and just won't listen?

 

Close your Bible, your Quran, or whatever other book it is that you feel justifies your hate in the name of your deity, and open your heart.  And while I get that we're basically mammals with a biological need for survival, I don't think we have to kill each other to accomplish that.  In fact, I believe quite the opposite.  If we don't all come to the table and begin understanding our fears, we won't last long enough as a species for it to matter.

I'm not against you owning a gun.  I just want a world where the need for guns doesn't exist.  And how does that happen?

Someone has to put theirs down first.

 

 

 

 

 

More Faces of Fear - Off the Chain

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
― Plato

Various sources from a simple Google search confirm the current count of transgendered individuals at roughly 700,000.  That's also somewhere between 0.2 and 0.5 percent of the total U.S. population.  It's not many.  So why the giant uproar about transgendered restrooms?  Why is it even a topic that's considered newsworthy?   I'll tell you why.  It breeds fear and hatred and it diverts your attention from more important things. 

So, if you happen to be one of those people gripped in fear, or worse yet, hatred, because your son or daughter might be subjected to someone with a gender identity "issue," I want you to help me clarify some things.  You know.  I want to try and see things from your perspective for a moment.  After all, I have two daughters.

To be clear, you don't fear the loss of soldiers every day in a war we can't win.  You're not apprehensive about the trillions of dollars we've spent on said war.  But you're afraid you daughter might be molested by someone transgendered in a public restroom at Target?

You don't feel anxiety about the millions of starving children all over the planet, many of them right here in the United States.  It doesn't concern you that multi-million dollar megachurches run by pastors that live in multi-million dollar homes exist while these children are without food and clean water.  But you think your child might peek under the stall and see the "wrong" genitalia?

Our planet is starving, being raped, stripped, littered, and destroyed.  And, in fact, our climate IS warming, regardless of what you believe causes it.  That's not an issue for you?  Oh, but a male who identifies as a female who MIGHT be in Target's bathroom has you scared to death?

How about our political system?  The presidential election and how delegates are assigned is rigged, bought and paid for.  Your primary vote carries virtually no weight.  And even if it weren't rigged, these are the candidates we have to choose from?  After eight years for both parties to prepare, this is what they've given us?  It doesn't bother you?  It's of no concern that the media tells you how to think by telling you Bernie is a communist or Hillary is a liar or Trump is an idiot?  There may be a hint of truth to every allegation, but all of it?  Not a chance.  And you don't care?  You don't care that you're yet to think and investigate for yourself, but you think your child is in danger of being fondled by a transgender individual in a restroom?

Please, help me understand.  Because the arguable fact is, you've probably already stood next to a transgendered person in a bathroom, passed one on the street or sat next to one at a restaurant.  Maybe not.  But probably.  Did they bother you?  And if you take the time to compare the number of transgendered people in your neighborhood to the number of registered sex offenders, you'd be amazed to find out the latter far outweigh the former.  I actually did a sex offender search in my own neighborhood some ten years ago, and there were over 500 in a one mile radius!!  That's what ought to scare you.

At the end of the day, whether you believe a person who identifies as transgender has a psychological issue or not, they just want to be accepted.......just like you.  It's not as if you or I are without issues of our own.  Judge not, lest ye be judged, right?  And at the end of the day, if you're still terrified that someone sporting both a skirt and a penis is going to somehow scar your child for life, or if you think Target is home to the Antichrist (Its genius marketing, you know), you can still do what I always did.........

Don't let them go to the bathroom alone.

  

All You Need Is Love

"It just feels good to have someone's arm around me for a minute."

~ Donna ~

"I love my cats, but they just aren't doing it for me anymore."

~ Me ~

I recently took a trip to Arizona to see a friend of mine and get away for awhile.  As many of you may (or may not) know, Arizona is a kind of spiritual epicenter, if you will.  And as much as I resisted going, even after being on the road for a day, I knew I needed to go.  I needed some time of reflection.  I needed some answers to some burning questions.  I needed to surround myself with people who think like I do.  And although I did, indeed, get some clear answers to a couple things, I came home with more questions than when I left.  I may have actually come home with a damaged liver, but that's a story for another time.

My first real night in Arizona, I joined a group of people from my friend's circle and we all went dancing.  I hadn't been dancing in years!!  It was great fun, we drew a few stares as we demonstrated what a real two-step is, and as it turns out, the most profound thing I was to hear all week came from the mouth of one of the dearest ladies I've ever met, as we did a little two-stepping.  You see it in the first quote:  "It just feels good to have someone's arm around me for a minute."

I'm sure it went unrecognized, but that little, innocent statement hit me like a freight train.  There was no sexual undertone.  There was no preconceived idea of what reaction the comment might bring.  It was simply the honest reaction of a person who pretty much only wants what we all want.  We just want to be loved.  It melted me.

I've been single for quite some time now; happily single, I might add.  I love my simple one-bedroom apartment and all the "freedom" that goes with it, but lately, I have this nagging feeling something is missing.  

Although many would be surprised to know it, I actually lead a pretty solitary life.  I bond and banter with the guys (and sometimes gals) at the fire station for twenty-four hours at a time, and then I go home to two cats and my quiet apartment.  And yes, I'm very blessed.  I have two amazing daughters.  I have a good job, and a nice truck to drive.  I have a successful "hobby" in photography, two books being published this summer, at least three more children's books ready to write, and at least one person that wants me to ghost write for them.  Heck, I even drive for Uber!!  Life is great, whether I feel like it is or not.

It first started coming to me when I signed the contract for my books this year.  The day I signed that contract was arguably the most exciting day of my life (excluding the birth of my children, of course).  I came home from that trip and watched TV.  It was then it began to sink in how much I miss someone to share everyday life with.  I began to miss having someone share their life with mine.  

Sure, I love myself and all that.  I don't feel incomplete or like I need someone to complete me.  For the first time in a long time, I just feel an element is missing.  I want it, and life is passing by in a blur. 

I've had my share of love and heartache in my life.  Hell, we all have.  I'm not special in that regard.  And I'm finally beginning to learn, perhaps, what it's actually like to love someone without conditions.  It's difficult sometimes, but it's not complicated.  Love doesn't need to be.  It's about communicating, and sharing, and being transparent, and growing, and just being.  But I think in the end, what it might really be about is just having someone's arm around you just for a minute, whether that be physically or emotionally.  It just feels good.

So, thank you, Donna, for that gentle reminder that, at the end of the day, it really does feel good to have someone's arm around you, even if only for a moment.  And wouldn't our world be so much happier if we'd just do that for someone once in awhile?  Lend and ear?  Give a hug?   It's not so hard.   

We can work hard for big, pretty things like homes, cars, and vacations.  We can strive to achieve great goals and take pride in things like, oh, publishing a book.  But at the end of the day, I'd give it all for that special someone to put their arm around me and tell me about their day and ask me about mine.  Because, truly.........

Love is all you need.