JUST ONE THING

"If you could tell your great-great grandchild,  just ONE thing, what would it be?"

~ Kathy Rogers ~

It was a dark and stormy night.  No. No.  It was a cloudy, warm day in Southwest Texas on a return trip from Big Bend National Park when Kathy sprung this question on me.  ONE thing?  Just ONE?

While a seemingly harmless question, it actually gave me immediate butterflies.  I felt under pressure to come up with one simple thing to tell my great-great grandchildren.  At 54, I should have one piece of timeless advice all ready to pass along to the next generation....and the next....and the next.  I have experienced a lot of amazing things, after all.  Some good.  Some bad.

So a question I had no immediate answer for began to haunt me for a week or more.  And yes, it actually woke me up at night a couple times.  ONE thing?  I thought of many, many things I would want to say.  But it took over a week to finally arrive at that ONE thing.  Almost sounds like something Curly would tell Mitch. 

So I thought of many.  And many of those I've already forgotten.  Indeed, many of these are those just about any older person would pass down to a younger one.  So stick with me and we'll get to that ONE thing.

Be happy.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Connect with nature.

Life is just life.  Don't take yourself too seriously.

Take risks.

Meditate.

Find a way to serve others.

Be true to yourself.

BE yourself.

Be adventurous.

Embrace failure.  It means you tried.

Life is precious.  All life.  Don't kill things.

Follow your heart.

Draw your own conclusions.....about EVERYTHING!

Live in childlike wonder, especially in adulthood.

Change your major.

Change direction.

Change your mind.

Stand for something.

Engage in some form of labor that makes you sweat every once in a while.

Eat healthy

Eat unhealthy.

Work out.

Don't work out.

Stop worrying.  It solves nothing.

Be a problem solver.

See the world.

Explore.

Catch a snowflake on your tongue.

Hold a bird.

Be quiet.

Raise hell.

Do it all.

See it all.

As you can obviously see, this list could be infinite based on one's experience.  And trust me when I tell you, I abbreviated the list.  None of those things are the ONE thing and the list was simply to make a point.  Life is meant to be lived.

A few years ago I went through one of those particularly tough spots emotionally.  It was rooted in a relationship..... or a failed one.  Nothing earth shattering.  We all have them.  That's life.  It is.  For some reason this struck me harder than some and I felt lost for quite some time.  I did lots of things to occupy my mind and attempt a different perspective.  And for reasons I don't now recall, I was led to a place that practiced Za Zen meditation.  Let me be clear.  I no longer practice quiet meditation like I should.  In fact, it's been awhile.  But the lessons I learned from my few months at this place have stuck..... at least when I remember to practice them.

I'll simplify this a great deal by saying that Za Zen meditation is completely about "the breath."  The hours I spent in total silence, surrounded by others, was simply about counting the breaths I took.  I didn't close my eyes.  I picked a focal point, attempted to quiet my mind, and counted.  You know what?  I never made it to 10.  Not once.  I made it to 8 a couple times.  Then I'd start over.  It went something like this (in my head).

"Exhale......1.  Deep breath.  Exhale........2  Oh shit, I forgot to scoop the litter box!!  My car is gonna need tires and I forgot to call my brother......where was I?  Oh yes.  Exhale.......1.  Deep breath.  Exhale.......2  I wonder if I turned the air conditioner on.  What is the square root of 25,347.756?"

And so on, and so on, and so on.  I kept practicing.  I kept going and I kept trying.  I practiced at home 30 minutes at a time, and I practiced at the temple 90 minutes at a time.  My only job was to count 10 breaths. I never did it.  The mind is a very busy place.   You know what?  It doesn't matter that I didn't make it.  For little microbursts I focused on the one thing in life that really matters.  Because without it, there IS nothing else.  You only have this one.  You may not have another.  I try to live in the moment, but fail at it miserably.  And yes, I CAN live in the moment one breath at a time when I stay quiet enough to listen and count.  That's all there is.  That is ALL there is.  Nothing else matters without this breath.  

All the working and fretting and worrying and trying and struggling and rejoicing, are all really just an exercise we learn because we somehow think we're less than whole.  We're not.  You, me.... everyone...is complete, just the way we are.  We're all doing our best.  

As I write this, I picture my daughters, my  grandchildren, my great grandchildren and my great-great grandchildren all kneeling beside me as I start my transition to whatever is next.  They all look at me, teary-eyed and ask,  "What can you tell us?  How will we go on?"

"It's simple my dears.  It's the simplest of things and the root of all things.  All life's mysteries are solved if you continue to do just one thing."

Breathe.

   

A CLIMATE OF CHANGE

"The only thing that is constant is change."

~ Hiraclitus ~

You may think this entry is going to be about change.  And you're right..... sort of.  But to "change" things up on you a bit, this is really more about thinking.  Or thinking about change.  Or more importantly, changing how you think.  To be even more succinct, think for yourself!

When I was a kid, my dad taught me lots of stuff.  And as it turns out, some of it was useful.  But a pretty high percentage of it simply wasn't true.  "The world will be ruled by a small race of yellow people.  Says so in the Bible."  Turns out that's more Masonic than biblical.  He told me I was part Cherokee Indian.  Not true.  I'm French and English.  But that's not really the point.

"So what IS your point?" you might ask.  The point is, as I got older, I started learning things for myself.  I started to question the status quo.  I listened less to "experts" who may or may not have an agenda and started digging for myself.  It changed how I view religion, politics, people, and our environment.  It "changed" everything.  It turned a world of black and white in to a world of beautiful grays.  There's more than one side to EVERY story and there is more than one answer to EVERY question.  Truth?  Well, that's for another time. 

Let's talk about some examples:

GLOBAL WARMING, AKA CLIMATE CHANGE:

This is a fairly popular topic these days, wouldn't you say?  And it certainly is an important one.  Tree-hugging, socially liberal, environmentalists (of which I am proudly a member) are screaming from the rooftops that our climate is warming and we're all going to die.  Conservative, gun-toting,  NON-enviromentalists are screaming that global warming is a hoax created by those that, blah blah blah blah blah blahbiddy blah blah.  You know the story.

Here is what I know as fact.  The climate is changing.  In fact, the climate is warming.  And how do I know that?  I didn't learn it from Al Gore.  I know it for fact because geological science proves a glacier covered most of North America as little as 10,000 years ago.  Where'd all that ice go?  It melted.  Duh.  Climate is cyclical.  It changes.  As soon as it gets really hot, it'll start down the path to a new Ice Age.  The earth is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.  But fear not, you and I won't be around to see it.

What bothers me about the whole debate, is that it's all centered around who is right and whether or not we can actually change it.  We can't.  Be serious.  And even if we could, we won't.  Humans are too lazy.  If you think you can get nearly a billion people, just in the U.S. alone, to suddenly give up electricity and cars, and practically any other modern convenience for the sake of reducing carbon emissions, well, then you really haven't been paying attention have you?  Do people have an impact on our environment?  Of course we do.  So do cow farts.  Should we abandon caring and just keep poisoning our home?  Of course not.  That's completely disrespectful.  

But believe me when I tell you, whether we make changes or not, the earth will survive our stupidity. Mankind may not.  (Ok, lets face it, WILL not).  But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be faithful stewards of the planet where we live.  It always surprises me that people somehow continue to believe that mankind will somehow live on forever.  The dinosaurs didn't.  Thousands of species big and small become extinct every day.  You really think we're excluded?  Not a chance.  It's not if.  It's when. 

POLITICS:

I actually considered dividing this in to several subcategories.  But you're smart.  I think I can make my point by summing it all up in one big ball of political goo.  You know, like the politicians do.

Politics is a poisoned stream of extremism.  Democrats think one way.  Republicans think another way.  And no one meets in the middle.  Or do they?  First of all, the Founding Fathers set it up that way.  Far-sided extremism keeps things in the middle, and that's not really a bad thing.  What we have to be mindful of, is the fact that neither side is completely right about anything.  They are both at least partly wrong 100% of the time.  I think Rush Limbaugh is an idiot, but he's an idiot with a business plan that works quite well for him.  I don't really know if Obama is a "good" president or "bad."  History will tell that story, and it'll be a fabrication also.  But I can tell you this.  Obama isn't some soldier-hating, socialist any more than a Republican is a war-mongering, terrorist.  Don't you see?  BOTH sides play that game and it absolutely makes NO difference who the president is.  Know why?

It makes no difference because 1) he's not really running things and 2) you didn't really elect him.  Your vote counts at the school board.  "Voting is a privilege of the free" is nothing more than smoke and mirrors to make you think you have something to do with the national political process.  You don't.  How do I know?  Because I read between the lines occasionally.  

For starters, our president isn't even elected by popular vote.  Theoretically, (and I know this is a stretch), a vast majority of our population could vote for one person or the other, and he'd still lose because of the distribution of the votes.  Large populous states carry more weight.  You know the process.  And secondly, the dream of a kid growing up to be president without very strong business and political connections is long gone.  Every candidate you see is put there by people that WANT him/her there.  Your vote doesn't matter.  Not at that level, it doesn't.

So how about the extreme info about this congressman or that senator voting against this bill or for that bill, or whatever.  I, too, have gasped that someone might vote against military benefits or feeding the hungry, etc.  But look deeper.  These bills are sometimes hundreds or thousands of pages long.  In political maneuvering, "riders" are attached to bills. Joe needs his military spending bill passed, but Martha won't vote for it in committee unless she can attach her homeless shelter agenda, etc etc etc.  So when you hear someone has voted for or against something that looks important, dig deeper.  It could be they just couldn't swallow the whole pill.  Think.

So how do we fix this political mess?  Well, we can't.  Or again, we won't.  Until nearly a billion people (I know, same analogy) are willing to stand up to corporations like Walmart and GM and Monsanto, and whoever.... level the playing field and take things back, you're "pissing up a rope."  It won't happen unless we try.  And the big boys aren't gonna let you try without a fight.  It's the things revolutions are made of.  Humans are lazy.  It might change, but it won't.  My life didn't change under Bush OR Obama.  It won't change under the next one either.

EBOLA:

I realize this topic is more specific than general, but I hope to drive home my point one last time with an event in America that just made me laugh.  Don't get me wrong.  Ebola is a serious illness.  So is the flu, AIDS, malaria, etc.  I want you to think about the information we received via our local and national news.  These were the very first cases of Ebola in the U.S.  An epidemic was at large, and we needed to act fast.  And we did.  Disaster averted.  Or was it?

I want you to think about this veeeeeery carefully.  This isn't based on fact.  It's based on common sense.  Ebola has been an identifiable virus since the 1970's.  Americans, be they doctors, nurses, missionaries, or Peace Corp volunteers, have been traveling to Africa and treating this virus that entire time.  Oh, AND they've returned to the United States.  Do you honestly think, (for the love of God, tell me you don't think this), these were the first cases of Ebola in America?  Of course they weren't.  Think, people.  Think.

RELIGION:

OK, I'm not even going to TOUCH this topic until you've at least read the manual that your religion is based on.  If you're a war-mongering, gun-toting, "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" kinda person, and consider yourself Christian (or Muslim, or Buddhist, or whatever), then you've clearly not read the book that spells it out for you and you've just showed up to a gun fight with a knife.  Read it, and then we'll talk.  

This is undoubtedly my longest blog ever.  I needed to vomit.  All I'm really asking is that you take your life, your thoughts, and your beliefs into your own hands.  Stop believing everything you hear, see, or read.  Question everything.  Ask questions.  Hold people's feet to the fire.  I know it won't change.  But it could.  And how can I be so bold as to think you need to question everything?  Because I'm a photographer.......

......And you can turn a slice of pizza in to a blonde supermodel in a red bikini.

PRESS 1 FOR HUMAN

"It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences."

      ~ Audre Lorde ~

I see signs like the ones you see above almost every day.  I see them on social media, billboards, websites, etc.  I hear it at the fire station or from the person down the street.  Well, I gotta tell you, I'm tired of it.  If your only problem is that you have to press 1 for English, then you certainly have first world problems, indeed.  Millions of people on this planet are starving.  They don't have enough to eat.  They don't have fresh water, or modern sewage systems.  And what food they DO have is suspect in quality.  In fact, often the donations you make to feed the hungry are actually stolen by the government of the starving nation.  Press 1 for English.  You fuckin' kidding me?

For those of you that adhere to this short-sighted, selfish, asinine, philosophy, let me share a bit of a history lesson with you.  You're standing on stolen soil.  Had you forgotten?  Oh right, "America" wasn't ours to begin with.  And once we stole it, we "won" our independence from England, the country we CAME from!!  

You want to know why you and I are Americans and speak English?  Well, I'll tell you.  We got lucky.  We just happened to be born here and it just so happens that's the language most people speak here.  You're an english-speaking, Christian (or not), American because HERE is where you were born and THIS is what your parents taught you. Here's a surprise.  If you'd been born in Mexico, you'd speak Spanish.  China? Mandarin.  Iraq?  Farsi or something like it.  You live where you live, speak the language you speak, and follow the religion of your choice, simply. because. this. is. where. you. were. born.

When exactly did we lose sight of the Land of the Free and become the Land of "Fuck you! It's mine and you can't have it!!!"?  Seriously.  When?  Oh, and you're ok with immigrants as long as they show up legally like your great-grandfather?  Your great-grandfather stepped off a boat, signed a paper, and got an inoculation.  It's hardly that simple today.  And if you think you wouldn't swim a river in the middle of the night to make a better life for your family, then you're either lying or you're a weasel.  Get serious. 

Tell me.  Please tell me.  Exactly what difference does it make what language we speak?  Who cares?  You're using language as just one more barrier to helping us come together as humans.  YOUR country, MY country.   MY state, YOUR state.  YOUR language, MY language.... skin, religion, ad infinitum.

Oh wait, but you're concerned many of our "illegal" immigrants are terrorists or drug dealers?  That just makes me laugh.  A FRACTION!  A fraaaaaaaction of the dealers, thieves, murderers, and terrorists we have here already.  You must mean you don't want any more.  And don't even get me started on the taxes they don't pay or the jobs they steal.  Stop listening to the hype on CNN.  Pull your head out of your ass and think for yourself.

So while we're trying to think for ourselves, lets address terrorism.  I'm completely against it.... from ANY place on the planet and that includes the good ole USA.  You think other parts of the world don't see our military actions in the name of freedom acts of terror?  Gee, that's funny.  That's exactly what "terrorist" states are doing.  Their military actions in the name of (place your cause here) are seen as terror.  Ours are seen as "defending freedom."  You know how many innocent civilians are killed by all these terrorist acts?  Not nearly as many as we've killed in the name of freedom.  We've even increased the death toll from 911 from around 3,000 to tens of thousands.  

Look, can't we be civil?  Can't we be humans?  Not far in the future, perhaps even in our lifetime, water is going to be a serious issue.  You think oil is a problem?  Wait until we start killing each other over having enough to drink.  You won't care if there's enough gas to get to the store for food.  You'll be defending your home from terrorists who want your water.  I'd love to think we'd share, but I'm losing hope.

I would LOVE to get into Climate Change, the whole "Democrat vs Republican", the smoke and mirrors of our Republic, etc., but now that you're thinking for yourself, maybe you'll figure it out.  One can only hope.  This isn't OUR country.  It's OUR planet, and we'd better start acting like it and work together or there won't be people to wage war on each other.  Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Press 1 for English?  You bet your ass.  I'm happy to do it.  

Welcome to America. 

It's Not Like That - Unplugged

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

~ John 15:13 ~

I’ve been a firefighter for over 22 years now.  How I became a fireman was an accident, really.  It wasn’t something I dreamed of becoming while on tour at the local fire station when I was five years old.  Circumstances and a little research led me to a career I’d never considered; one of public service.  And although I was a bit older than many just getting started, it became a career I loved.  

I joined the fire department about the time the movie, Backdraft, was popular at local theaters.  I loved that movie.  It was filled with high-stakes drama and excitement.  I just couldn’t wait to be a part of the brother/sisterhood.  I couldn’t wait to run into burning buildings, rescue small children, and save life after life after life.  And before I go a step further, know that I am grateful for my career.  I still love the camaraderie of life at the fire station.  It’s been a wonderful career.  But here’s the truth.

It’s not like that.  Life as a firefighter is nothing like Backdraft, or Ladder 49, or Chicago Fire.  Nothing. 

So, here’s a question I’ve been asked many times throughout my career.  “Does seeing all that tragedy wear on you after awhile?  Do the blood and destruction and chaos get you down?  Does it keep you up at night?”

The short answer is, “No.  It doesn’t.”

If you will, imagine training a Navy Seal or Army Ranger for off-the-chart combat and then sending them to a day care every day to watch children.  Consider their intense training, their skills, and the mindset they’ve acquired.  Now send them to babysit.  That’s closer to the real story about being a fireman.

So, no, the blood and guts and hot fires don’t keep me up at night.  And as tragic as those events are for the victims, dealing with those things is what I’m trained for.  It’s what firefighters do.  Only a handful of the calls I’ve made (and there have been thousands!) ever even cross my consciousness.  You deal with it and forget it.  I wouldn’t recognize a picture of any person on which I’ve ever performed CPR.  I couldn’t tell you a name or probably even a street address of a big fire.  It’s a coping mechanism.  We just do our job and go on.

But there are things that keep me up at night.   There are things that eat at the core of almost every firefighter (I can’t speak for all of them).  There ARE things that cause a very real phenomenon called “Burnout” and it’s even more prevalent amongst paramedics.

What wears on me is answering your call at 3 o’clock in the morning, after answering a dozen similar calls all day, because your child has had an earache for 3 weeks.  It eats at me that you woke up not feeling well and called 911 so someone would just come check your blood pressure.  

I get short of breath when I hear you say you’ve had a bad cold for a week, have taken no meds, seen no doctor, called no nurse, and now want a ride to an ER via ambulance.

My blood boils when I see the faint scratch on the side of a commuter bus and see a dozen hands go up, each claiming injury and wanting a ride to the hospital.  And the same holds true for car accidents.  Minor damage and major drama.

It saddens me that, after already having 4 children, you wait until the very last second of your current pregnancy to call 911 for a ride to Labor and Delivery because, “I’m in labor.”  After 9 months to get ready, this is your plan.  (Look, I know emergencies happen in pregnancy and waters break suddenly, etc.  I’m talking about using an ambulance like a taxi.)

It angers me to no end that we waste money as a department and then freeze salaries when asked to make a budget cut.  Meanwhile, we load up a $500,000 fire engine with four firefighters to go close your apartment gate, or unlock your car, or light the pilot on your furnace.  You call 911 instead of a plumber, or electrician, or heating and air specialist.  

The list goes on and on and on and on.  People close enough to me to hear the stories about a typical 24 hour shift are appalled at the stories I tell about the city’s waste and the public’s abuse of the system.  

I understand there are those that CAN’T do certain things and rely on assistance on many levels.  I have no issue with that.  But there are a very large number of people who WON’T because they know the fire department (or police or whoever) will take care of it.  

And it angers me that cities don’t draw a deeper line in the sand about what we will and won’t do.  Did you realize that easily 85% of every emergency call I make doesn’t even resemble an emergency?  That’s your tax dollars at work.  And keep in mind, the MOST dangerous thing I do is travel to and from an emergency, blowing through red lights and dodging traffic, just so I can tell you the battery on your smoke detector is low.

What 22 years as a fireman has done is make me more and more cynical about the society we’re becoming.  It seems no one wants to do things for themselves.  And although I realize MOST people do actually do things for themselves…..I just never get to meet those people.

The only reason I’m here is to serve the citizens.  I just think the serving we do is a bit much.  So next time you watch an exciting movie about firefighting, remember:

It’s not like that. 

Just Stop It!!!!

"It's a hell of a thing to stop a beating heart."

~ Unknown ~

Recently I went to see the movie, American Sniper.  Rarely have i been so enthralled by a movie and never have I been so heavy-hearted and silent as I left a theater.  In fact, the entire audience was left in sad, stunned silence.  

Before I go any further, I need to clarify that I honor the sacrifice of, not only Chris Kyle, but each and every service man or woman that goes to war to serve a country that so very rarely serves them in return.  Chris Kyle, the deadliest sniper to ever serve in the armed forces, was asked to perform lethal acts that most of us would find unthinkable.  And although his heart was stopped at the hands of a murderer, he certainly paid a greater psychological price long before that.  Most soldiers do.

At the center of all this is my way of thinking about our belief system and how we are almost entirely influenced by where we're born and what we're taught.  Kyle and every soldier before him was taught we are fighting evil in the Middle East.  But guess what every soldier in the Middle East is taught.  Of course, they're taught they're fighting evil brought about by the selfish infidel.  But let us remember, every soldier from every country who ever died or served on a battle field was a son, daughter, father, mother, husband, or friend.  A beating heart is a beating heart.  Life is life.

EVERY soldier, be they Iraqi, American, Asian, or African are there to defend the country where they were born.  It is, and always has been, an "us vs. them" mentality.  I fear it will never be a "we."  And although I am blessed to have been born a free man in a free country, I could just have easily been born anywhere else in the world, in which case, my beliefs would be molded by my differing experience.

I've said all that to say this.  Just stop it, already.  The death toll from the attacks on 9/11 were over 3,000 souls.  Since that date, the death toll is approaching 15,000 american souls, countless "enemy" souls, and God knows how many civilians.  Tens if not hundreds of thousands.  Enough already.

Stop killing.  Stop the entire mentality.  Stop putting a BB Gun in the hands of your child at 8 years old (yeah, I had one at that age) and teaching them to kill small birds and animals.  Stop the hunting.  Stop the killing.  And for crying out loud, stop killing other humans.  It seems as though our entire mentality as humans is to kill or be killed.  It needn't be that way.  It needn't be a situation where someone has what we want and we have to kill them to get it.  And it shouldn't be that way for other countries either.  Didn't we learn sharing in Kindergarten?  Aren't we all members of the human race?

But wait, there's more.  Stop believing everything you read and everything you're told.  Stop hanging on every sound bite from Fox News or MSNBC, Facebook, and Twitter.  Seek the truth for yourself.  Stop being a Christian (or Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or whatever) simply because that's what your parents taught you.  And, good grief, at least read the book.  Don't defend your belief based on what someone told you it says.  It's simplistic.  It's lazy.  And yes, stepping outside the comfort of putting what you've always believed to the test of truth can be painful.  VERY painful.

And while I'm at it, stop relying on others, be they personal or bureaucratic, to provide for you what you so readily can provide for yourself.  Stop calling 911 when you can walk into a clinic.  Stop taking handouts when you can get a job.  Stop blaming history and others for your lot in life.  Sure, maybe that's easier for some than others.  But where you are in life is where you put yourself, period.

You get the idea.  It's just enough, already.  It's enough blaming, killing, looting, stealing, pointing, and believing in false notions.  You are a child of the Universe.  No more.  No Less.  You are capable of amazing things and are perfect just the way you are.  Move forward.  And for the love of all things holy....

Just Stop It!!!!