Some of you, although not many, may have noticed that there have been no new blog entries as of late, and public access to the site has been restricted. There’s a reason. It may not be the best of reasons, but good enough for me. I take full responsibility for the fact that I retreated from public domain. However, there is someone to thank for my retreat and I’d like to address this to that person.
I blog for a variety of reasons. First, it’s therapeutic. I enjoy writing and I find it relaxing and fulfilling. It’s my way of bringing the thoughts in my head to a place of rest. It puts things in perspective and I find that calming. Second, and this may be the most important for me. I blog to provide entertainment. I like the fact that people may read a particular piece and find something in there that they can relate to. Maybe it angers them. Maybe it makes them laugh. Maybe it just makes them think. And maybe, just maybe, it helps someone. That’s the third reason for the blog. Some part of me hopes it may provide help or hope to someone thinking about the same thing. It’s a long shot, but you just never know. It’s like radio. If you like it, keep listening. If you don’t, turn it off.
At one point in my writing I started an offshoot of my original blog called Diary of a Divorced Dad. Maybe you’ve seen it. It wasn’t actually intended for public viewing, but I wasn’t smart enough to know that it showed up on my profile so some of you read it. And that’s ok. There were no secrets there. It was just something that belonged outside my usual genre. And again, it was an area where I thought someone might relate and be helped. Or maybe even a dialogue would be started……maybe even a friendship. You just never know in cyber space.
Then one day, I received an email from someone that read Diary of a Divorced Dad. He was a divorced dad of one who had been divorced for a year and he stated that he had “stumbled upon” my blog. I assumed he had done a Google Search for “divorce” or something and that’s how he had come across my writing. Although I really hadn’t done a lot of writing for that piece, I was still flattered that someone found it interesting enough to start a dialogue with someone in a similar situation. It wasn’t an exact situation, but similar enough that I thought we may actually be support for each other. Through a series of emails we exchanged some information regarding our situation. I truly believed that maybe, just maybe, something I wrote might help someone. I was wrong.
As it turns out, this person was merely probing me for information that he thought he might actually use against me. And he tried. Only this time, HE was wrong. He assumed that a person I care about was unaware of my current situation and he felt it necessary to contact HER to give her details. As it turns out, I had already offered full disclosure of all that information and there were no secrets. The joke was on him. But if that HE is reading this, let me tell you what you actually accomplished. THIS is just for you.
You violated the sanctity of my writing and left me feeling betrayed. You’re a “brother” from the strictest of brotherhoods and you violated that code.
You made yourself look like a fool.
You ruined an opportunity you might have actually had to discuss issues you might really have. If you’d have come to me like a man, and ASKED if the person I care about knew the details, I would have told you. What you did was the lowest of lows and believe me, I know low.
You caused friction between two people where none was necessary. You thought it might damage things to the point where you, yourself would have an opportunity, and as near as I can tell, you ruined any chance of that EVER happening. You probably even ruined a friendship and violated her trust as well.
You exposed yourself as an underhanded, sneaky, low life and it makes me ashamed to be part of our profession.
You (and I realize this is my own doing) caused me to shut down access to a site that many other people actually read and enjoyed. What you did created a level of mistrust in me that drove me underground to write strictly for me. How long that will go on is up to me, but at least a dozen people have asked about not being able to access the site.
There’s really not much point in beleaguering the issue further. You get the point. At least I hope you do. If you had truly cared about the person you shared all this information with, you’d have come to me first. And then you’d have stayed out of a situation that was none of your business. You weren’t a heroic savior. You’re pathetic. Unfortunately, we share one other thing that I won’t disclose lest I give you away and fit in your category, but let me be clear. I’m also ashamed we share it.
Now to the rest of you. I apologize that, for the moment, I’ve let this person “win”. I can only say it feels a lot like what it must feel like to have someone burglarize your home. My writing is ME and to have someone actually attempt to use it against me in the way HE did, has momentarily killed my enthusiasm for anyone finding entertainment value in what I write. I’m back to writing strictly for me. How long that will last is still unanswered territory. I’ve opened the space for now just to get this piece out. I guess it’s my way of venting.
So, please be patient with me while I sort this out. I still have plenty to write about. And I hope that sometime soon those that enjoy the blog can revisit it. I realize fully that making my personal feelings public domain comes with risk, but I always trusted the general good in people. I hope I can continue to expect that from my few faithful followers. Enjoy.
Matt
